Week 1: Certain vs. Frank [Certain wins, 7-0.]

Vulgar · 10-04-2014, 11:00 AM

Certain - Your structure and writing voice scream boring, my friend. You've got an assailant's set of skills too. I want to be able to give you honest feedback like this because there's a slight chance it'll ferment something back into your style you've been missing. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be cohesive ... be artsy a little sometimes. Become weird. This had a decent-to-good storyline and concept, a little Pixar cookie-cutter, and I could sort of see where it was all going. Wording was very solid and rhyme-wise, you can do a lot. Rhyming with a character's name is a copout, I did it one time and Sacrifice called me out on it in his breakdown; I'm following suit. This wasn't good but it also wasn't bad.

Frank - OMG THIS WAZ GENIUS! x_x - but in reality, it wasn't, Frank. Riding the wave of elaborate descriptions and ending the piece with a fancy bow is a hearty strategy, only when pulled off with a deli***y you're capable of but didn't bring to the table here. I'm guessing you rushed it. The Irish Woman and the Leprechaun is a tale I'm soon to forget.

My vote goes to Certain.

10-04-2014, 11:00 AM	#5
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Certain - Your structure and writing voice scream boring, my friend. You've got an assailant's set of skills too. I want to be able to give you honest feedback like this because there's a slight chance it'll ferment something back into your style you've been missing. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be cohesive ... be artsy a little sometimes. Become weird. This had a decent-to-good storyline and concept, a little Pixar cookie-cutter, and I could sort of see where it was all going. Wording was very solid and rhyme-wise, you can do a lot. Rhyming with a character's name is a copout, I did it one time and Sacrifice called me out on it in his breakdown; I'm following suit. This wasn't good but it also wasn't bad. Frank - OMG THIS WAZ GENIUS! x_x - but in reality, it wasn't, Frank. Riding the wave of elaborate descriptions and ending the piece with a fancy bow is a hearty strategy, only when pulled off with a deli*y you're capable of but didn't bring to the table here. I'm guessing you rushed it. The Irish Woman and the Leprechaun is a tale I'm soon to forget. My vote goes to Certain**.