Week 1: Camp Bell vs. YDK [Camp bell wins, 7-4.]

Three-Planes-Aligned · 10-03-2014, 02:55 AM

Just a note on rhyme schemes to both: sometimes in the interest of maintaining a steady scheme one can force the wording - or 'force' it in the sense that it becomes apparent that if this wasn't written in a format where everything is supposed to rhyme it would have been different (scheme-warps-space/time). Illustrated by that you both used specific clock strokes to rhyme off of, for example.

Camp Bell - Mechanics and pace were a strong point: it's nice to not have to retrace a piece just because it is bogged down (just see above note). Domestic violence is a difficult topic to write about (not in the sense that it provokes so many emotional feelings, but rather since many writers plan for it to do so but kind of fail to bring the situation *alive*). Your portrait was concise but a little subdued.

YDK - ...same goes for substance abuse disorders and their accompanying behavioral shenanigans: it's so often that's in on this dramatic level while the life of a fiend is mind-numbingly prosaic sometimes (well, coke bitches are pretty fucking crazy - what with the drug's short duration and other factors). You too managed to keep a solid level of diction going - as well as mechanics.

These pieces were favorable to compare because of their different but similar takes - I'll go Camp Bell because his was the slightly better welded end product with more polished joints and seams at a higher level of execution (callbacks, unconventional schemes, etc).

10-03-2014, 02:55 AM	#1
Three-Planes-Aligned Hyphenated Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: The Black Lodge Posts: 79 Battle Record: 7-8 Rep Power: 549513	Just a note on rhyme schemes to both: sometimes in the interest of maintaining a steady scheme one can force the wording - or 'force' it in the sense that it becomes apparent that if this wasn't written in a format where everything is supposed to rhyme it would have been different (scheme-warps-space/time). Illustrated by that you both used specific clock strokes to rhyme off of, for example. Camp Bell - Mechanics and pace were a strong point: it's nice to not have to retrace a piece just because it is bogged down (just see above note). Domestic violence is a difficult topic to write about (not in the sense that it provokes so many emotional feelings, but rather since many writers plan for it to do so but kind of fail to bring the situation alive). Your portrait was concise but a little subdued. YDK - ...same goes for substance abuse disorders and their accompanying behavioral shenanigans: it's so often that's in on this dramatic level while the life of a fiend is mind-numbingly prosaic sometimes (well, coke bitches are pretty fucking crazy - what with the drug's short duration and other factors). You too managed to keep a solid level of diction going - as well as mechanics. These pieces were favorable to compare because of their different but similar takes - I'll go Camp Bell because his was the slightly better welded end product with more polished joints and seams at a higher level of execution (callbacks, unconventional schemes, etc).