This is Why We Don't Club together

Listen · 10-02-2014, 10:37 AM

Hey Andy,

Almost like your other drop that I read... You have bloody mad concepts... I just wish you would stick with them. Reading your pieces is almost like a continuous "TO BE CONTINUED".

Let me give you some examples:

--- But don't Obamacare like cover that?
No really I don't know that shit. I rarely follow politics.

You followed that up with -

Not sure at all how bad it is but I'm partying like it's apocalypse.

^ That was your opportunity to REALLY deliver something! You could have even kept the humorous theme you were going with. "But don't obamacare LIKE cover that?" < I was laughing here... and then you left me wanting more... and didn't really take me home.

I would love to see you write a piece, with one topic in mind, with every line being a continuation from the previous one... Just so you can see the essence of proper transition. I think it would take you a world of a level above your current one.

You have some witty concepts, and a workable writing structure... Continuation and transitional bridges is what I would work on.

Keep writing mate and I will keep reading.

10-02-2014, 10:37 AM	#1
Listen Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 41 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 3760711	Hey Andy, Almost like your other drop that I read... You have bloody mad concepts... I just wish you would stick with them. Reading your pieces is almost like a continuous "TO BE CONTINUED". Let me give you some examples: --- But don't Obamacare like cover that? No really I don't know that shit. I rarely follow politics. You followed that up with - Not sure at all how bad it is but I'm partying like it's apocalypse. ^ That was your opportunity to REALLY deliver something! You could have even kept the humorous theme you were going with. "But don't obamacare LIKE cover that?" < I was laughing here... and then you left me wanting more... and didn't really take me home. I would love to see you write a piece, with one topic in mind, with every line being a continuation from the previous one... Just so you can see the essence of proper transition. I think it would take you a world of a level above your current one. You have some witty concepts, and a workable writing structure... Continuation and transitional bridges is what I would work on. Keep writing mate and I will keep reading.