It's Not So Bad Afterall

Listen · 09-29-2014, 04:19 PM

Hey,

This has spots that are very well-written and others that don't maintain the same depth as other lines. Almost like you emotionally capped off and couldnt/didnt want to develop that thought.

Example:

I'm a broken man motherfucking broke man.

I would have left out the next line, at the very least left it for later, and continued that thought.

I like some of your concepts and expressions of emotion just found the lack of consistency in that thought or feeling to take away from the power of the piece.

Much respect,

Look forward to more.

09-29-2014, 04:19 PM	#2
Listen Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 41 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 3760711	Hey, This has spots that are very well-written and others that don't maintain the same depth as other lines. Almost like you emotionally capped off and couldnt/didnt want to develop that thought. Example: I'm a broken man motherfucking broke man. I would have left out the next line, at the very least left it for later, and continued that thought. I like some of your concepts and expressions of emotion just found the lack of consistency in that thought or feeling to take away from the power of the piece. Much respect, Look forward to more.