Quarterfinals: 1. El Pancake vs. 5. Eŋg \\ Eŋg wins 6-(-3)

Soulstice · 09-14-2014, 10:50 PM

Pancake - my first two reactions to this were polarizing. The good news is that the piece really picked up at the end. I didn't really get the use of soma but it sort of just worked as As a placeholder for key emotions. I would say metaphor instead of placeholder but I didn't really get it. Anyways the ghost in the ether was beautiful as well as the final phrase of your piece. It sort of brings the piece to a sudden halt with an irrevocable truth bomb. It also didn't rhyme with anything which I liked a lot. The schemes were abnormal and I liked that too. There were some repetitions of words "arrangement" for instance too close together that was sort of like a pimple as I read the verse along. As well as some eh rhymes. Pluck and silk. We're those supposed to rhyme? I don't know it was a bit unpolished though. I thought the piece was about an newly unrequited love with a piano player. Maybe you described her piano playing too much buy it could be a metaphor for how she can pluck heartstrings like she can pluck keys. It evoked lots of ffeeling though so that was an added bonus.

Phone vote editing in engs feed

English - this was tight. Standing atop a mountain is a good place to start to ruminate on things with such philosophical weight. Your description of the mountain and scene setting matched u r writers voice and internal monolog well. Describing the past and future and how they affect someone was also cool. It was never much more is a good way to describe a lot of things from the past people tend to romanticize - it seems our character has his mind cleared on the summit. I liked the description of love and commitment in line 3 cclever.it points out the inattention to consequence when you live in the present you continue on to say that there is only the present. The rest is a what we thought has or think will happen - always slightly off because experience is ran through the imperfect filter of the human mind. The bit about the coming feast worked well too because it suggested the future holds no promises even of sustenance and health. You must keep forging on and put in work if you want to eat and you must keep climbing to reach the top of a mountain. Seemed like a good way to align the character. Nice. I thought hand gestures was just a way to carry the rhyme but all the other aspects of that were fine. A patterns renewing was pretty weighty and epic word choice as well.

Vote eng. I wasn't sure until I typed out this vote. Great battle.

09-14-2014, 10:50 PM	#1
Soulstice native system Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 387 Battle Record: 18-21 Champed - Short-Verse Topical Rep Power: 4453411	Pancake - my first two reactions to this were polarizing. The good news is that the piece really picked up at the end. I didn't really get the use of soma but it sort of just worked as As a placeholder for key emotions. I would say metaphor instead of placeholder but I didn't really get it. Anyways the ghost in the ether was beautiful as well as the final phrase of your piece. It sort of brings the piece to a sudden halt with an irrevocable truth bomb. It also didn't rhyme with anything which I liked a lot. The schemes were abnormal and I liked that too. There were some repetitions of words "arrangement" for instance too close together that was sort of like a pimple as I read the verse along. As well as some eh rhymes. Pluck and silk. We're those supposed to rhyme? I don't know it was a bit unpolished though. I thought the piece was about an newly unrequited love with a piano player. Maybe you described her piano playing too much buy it could be a metaphor for how she can pluck heartstrings like she can pluck keys. It evoked lots of ffeeling though so that was an added bonus. Phone vote editing in engs feed English - this was tight. Standing atop a mountain is a good place to start to ruminate on things with such philosophical weight. Your description of the mountain and scene setting matched u r writers voice and internal monolog well. Describing the past and future and how they affect someone was also cool. It was never much more is a good way to describe a lot of things from the past people tend to romanticize - it seems our character has his mind cleared on the summit. I liked the description of love and commitment in line 3 cclever.it points out the inattention to consequence when you live in the present you continue on to say that there is only the present. The rest is a what we thought has or think will happen - always slightly off because experience is ran through the imperfect filter of the human mind. The bit about the coming feast worked well too because it suggested the future holds no promises even of sustenance and health. You must keep forging on and put in work if you want to eat and you must keep climbing to reach the top of a mountain. Seemed like a good way to align the character. Nice. I thought hand gestures was just a way to carry the rhyme but all the other aspects of that were fine. A patterns renewing was pretty weighty and epic word choice as well. Vote eng. I wasn't sure until I typed out this vote. Great battle. Last edited by Soulstice; 09-14-2014 at 11:27 PM.