Animal Instinct

[namix]

Originally Posted by Rawn MacDon

Leave em bleeding, Hematomas-all over; bruised blotches black n blue
Dalmatian dog hides with raw insides, refuse for rabid Raccoons
Elephant stop craniums to Conch, eyes bleeding waters of the ocean
Irrigate ear canals to drown out sounds; venomous hissing from a Cobra
Hyena laugh with breathing gasps leading up to each siege and attack
balloon chested; Baboons question the redness of a clean beatin ass
Lemur leap; on two feet I creep, looking with the long neck of a Giraffe
charging head first, kicking up dirt, soundin the horn; a Rhinoceros blast
Inflict swift Kangaroo kicks, cracking sternums down to Spongiform
Magazines lined up clean, Amazonian Bullet Ants confront to storm
I watch, with the stillness of a Sloth, awaiting for the next Insect to fall
Then Puma pounce with the silence of a Mouse - on its neck; clenched jaws
Savage beast lung capacity, pull the wool out from underneath Wolverines
Golden Eagle talons deep; grip lethal incisor teeth sharper then an Owl's beak
A corpse collector, defending predator, who swarms in force baiting Piranha
Nothings better then the taste of some leather or maybe something rotten...
...except for someone plaguing the sun; waiting, plottin', playing Opossum

Irrigate ear canals to drown out sounds;
...slick

Hyena laugh with breathing gasps leading up to each siege and attack
...hlol hlol

it was a cool read - what stifles it from being what it could become was the fact that it read like an almost great rhyme-focused flex, and it read almost like a dope wordplay flex -- without a clear victor of each category, this drop read like a "im fucked up but i have a cool concept" rant, and it was a cool one. Yea, I've seen you rock the rhyme schemes with the best of them - far more attention to detail in the schemes than I've been historically -- since those have read so fluidly in the past, and it sounded natural -- this read as what would be a solid rhyme scheme for most heads, to in your case, seeming like rawn's not trying at all... That said - not trying at all still is worth the read.. and your conceptual expansion made it cooler - expanding on it one step further for a concept here or there would have helped tranform this from a "cool" to "straight dope." read

Definitely worth the read, and almost a brilliant tease into something that "could" be. Something you know that I know that you're more than capable of. :cool: