Round 1: 13. jilti vs. 4. NYCSPITZ \\ jilti wins 8-5

Eŋg · 08-31-2014, 07:54 PM

totoro - you were perhaps a bit too ambitious with your limited space to work in. i enjoyed the writing, the language (though it obfuscates at times), your poetic touch in putting it all together. there was an aesthetic appeal in your verse, but i don't think you nailed your topic - which felt almost periphery.

jilti - this was good. much more direct, and ultimately less solemn in tone. the rhymes were solid, kept your piece ticking along well, and nothing stood out to me as bad. i think with your much more consumable effort, you've done yourself favours here.

personally i lean one way.

v/nyc

08-31-2014, 07:54 PM	#12
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	totoro - you were perhaps a bit too ambitious with your limited space to work in. i enjoyed the writing, the language (though it obfuscates at times), your poetic touch in putting it all together. there was an aesthetic appeal in your verse, but i don't think you nailed your topic - which felt almost periphery. jilti - this was good. much more direct, and ultimately less solemn in tone. the rhymes were solid, kept your piece ticking along well, and nothing stood out to me as bad. i think with your much more consumable effort, you've done yourself favours here. personally i lean one way. v/nyc