Round 1: 15. Defiant vs. 2. oats \\ oats wins 6-0

[PancakeBrah]

Defiant:

Surprisingly good. I've never read a topical piece from you but this was definitely above average, if not just good. Especially this section;

"Flashbacks are hazy, memories are taking longer than usual, can I just rewind?
I mean are we still together, does our future have me, u ,....I MEAN us entwined
What happened to the last few days, how much did I drink? What the fuck did I smoke
Why are you just staring, no words, is that resentment, why haven't we spoke "

That was smooth and had great wording and pace, especially the first two lines. The rhyme in the first couplet of your piece weren't synced up. It seemed on purpose, that you sacrificed rhyme for content which is fine. Just tripped me up a bit. I didn't like your ending for two reasons; forever talk was awkward wording and rhyming it with never walk seemed elementary. Also, I'm not sure if I like the twist. It's fine, really, and the rest of the verse isn't too badly effected by it but I almost think you'd have been fine just leaving it alone and having this be a straight lament. Not a huge deal, though. Good job.

Oats:

Also good. The image of someone hanging, swinging from a noose slowly fading into the image a (his) son swinging from a tire swing feels cinematic. Something you could picture happening in a movie easily in your head. The descriptions and wording here were on point, as always. The synchronizing of imagery (rings on a tree/ring on the neck, aforementioned noose/tire swing) really wound this verse into a nice little knot for me. Self-contained, which is good for this format. My only complaint would be the first half of your verse (up to 'axis') was top notch in terms of rhymes with internals and alternating rhymes but the second half seemed a bit more restrained and standard in it's scheme and rhyming word choices.

Good match up here, guys. Defiant showed he can write. With his verse as an example of his skill I'd say he deserved a higher seed but in a tournament with this level of competition that's hard to say. He gave oats a run but I think oats' verse was just on a slightly higher plane. Thanks for the read.

v/oats