im a battler tho.

[big baby]

Originally Posted by Certain

What?

I think he means the breaking up of syllables, which I agree to an extent. I didn't think this was relatively really good if you're going by a syllabic rhyme heavy affair. In a lot of instances, besides the John Belushi scheme he rhymes a lot of singular words with many syllables on them, and instances in which he rhymes more than 3 words the slants were so ridiculous they werent slants, and the so called prefix word was usually the singular rhyming one which was broken into smaller syllables in upcoming schemes, like farfagnugen, marmaduke shit, and the more prominent one to me (square in metropolis, hands of apocalypse) had of a more rhythmic flow rather than a matching syllable flow, except, very seemingly - the last word. square/hands don't have anything really to match up, that's on account of enunciation, not the cluster sounds.

[Certain]

@Camp Bell, I didn't say it was good. It was OK. But all it really had was rhymes.

a savage mortal with a dagger holstered under a tattered cloak on the back of a capricorn screamin...SOMEBODY SOUND THE BATTLE HORNS. Thro ya body to a pack of rabid labradores. I Handle the sword like matadore. U dont want war with the hands of thor ill stick a fork in ur flacid corpse and piss on the floor then trash the morgue.

You have no idea how to use a rhyme scheme that well.

[big baby]

Also, - off topic I could tell dull boy would enjoy since he likes the use of references. Basically to impress dull boy - if nobody has noticed - is to use references. Bags had A TON of them, which - made the verse that much more cut dry, and to the point. To the beer, the type of medicine used and how he used, to pop culture references. All that was coupled pretty well, the rhyming was cool too, but it wasn't anything top tier imo, the transition of topics was also pretty cool too. To impress oats you need to use literary references/techniques. To impress pancake you need to use vocabulary (might I add, smoothly yet precisely). To impress certain you need use a bit of each, but to really impress him you need to stay on topic.

so it goes
dull boy - pop references
oats - literary references
pancake - smooth wording/vocab
certain - hyper focus on topic
copypat/campbell - crazy rhyme schemes
hush/allen - wack textcee short bars
vulgar - hyper focused metaphors
dead man - crisp, short worded intertwining couplets

and thats pretty much what each writer goes for tbh. Me? I'm different. I enjoy everything and can pinpoint why you suck ass. I'm the greatest. I once met shakespeare.

[Witty]

Originally Posted by Camp Bell

im a rhyme monger tho, so thats why i didnt
think it was "dull boy dope" as far as that goes. but, you're bags, so
everyone will either ride hard or cape for you. good shit tho,


problem?

I have a problem, you are wrong quite often.

Also, I am better than you.

[big baby]

oops sorry @Certain, I sorta jumped what you meant by your 'what.' You are right, but I think campbell at his very best can do that. but it's rare. Plus camp is way more scatterbrained (not necessarily in terms of content, but maybe discipline wise when rhyming) and bags seems to have the discipline of maintaining a manual rhythmic template in his lil noggin.

[Camp Bell]

Originally Posted by Witty Wonka

I have a problem, you are wrong quite often.

Also, I am better than you.

damn, didnt notice you set a battle up between us
i should pay more attention.

[PancakeBrah]

I read this earlier today and enjoyed it. The rhymes were good, very persistent. Although I think you sometimes carried a scheme to the point of carrying a scheme. I liked the CAPS at first but as it went on it seemed you used them to spice up spots where you lost a bit of steam.. You started stronger than you finished. At some point in reading this I found myself waiting for the next CAPPED OUT SENTENCE because they went from a punctuation to the point. You do have a nose for an original rhyme, and some of the content in this was good. Remote. The overt aggressiveness, which is enjoyable. It never let up and that made some of it's faults less noticeable. Very Bags-esque, but with an eye towards saying 'hey faggots I can still write'. That's the vibe I got from this piece. I say thanks for the read on almost every piece I feed but I mean it here. Enjoyable to read despite it's faults.

[big baby]

Originally Posted by El Pancake

I read this earlier today and enjoyed it. The rhymes were good, very persistent. Although I think you sometimes carried a scheme to the point of carrying a scheme. I liked the CAPS at first but as it went on it seemed you used them to spice up spots where you lost a bit of steam.. You started stronger than you finished. At some point in reading this I found myself waiting for the next CAPPED OUT SENTENCE because they went from a punctuation to the point. You do have a nose for an original rhyme, and some of the content in this was good. Remote. The overt aggressiveness, which is enjoyable. It never let up and that made some of it's faults less noticeable. Very Bags-esque, but with an eye towards saying 'hey faggots I can still write'. That's the vibe I got from this piece. I say thanks for the read on almost every piece I feed but I mean it here. Enjoyable to read despite it's faults.

You're displaying some lasers here. Also, the point about the caps, I don't think it's where he lost a bit of steam, but moreso where he THINKS he lost a bit of steam. We about to psychoanalyze this nigga to death.