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#1 |
The COAT...
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The Book of Jinn and Genies
Behold the Sphinx; this here is an ode to kings Donating souls, I bring them gold from Minskt Wholesome prince, the last kin active, throne in eclipse Metaphorical foe that persists, twisted horrors in kids Smashing through glorious castles like Kraken through masts Acid attacking growth from an enfant corroding decicion Light of the cross shines an open window hopelessly driven Aligning chakras minding good and evil, grow in the middle I was taught by the author I should notice the symbols Trees, life. Oceans, soul. Combine and move on With three eyes focused you may find ya may not like what ya saw Lightning is falling when it signal off the light and knowledge When quakes are violently spawned, war is likely to follow Grinding might be alarming, some ponder if its right or its wrong Either light or it's dark, night or the dawn - crusts pull with diety arms But those survivors live on, cut throats who violent in thought Up close their eyes look on to the sight, utmost giant of storms Uh oh! The Lions been charmed, rush home tonight and succumb to it The catalysts of this is species which is stuck full of utter twits The beasts are the government breeding out demon incumbants That feed off freedom and will until their greed is uncovered Do you feel like a person? Cause you're sheeple to others I see when valiant in force, they will crown the immortals Message soundless yet warns like when pounding in morse code Beauty born with a sword close, cold thorns on a warm rose Discovered the mason culture in the Brazen Altar's lore So, that's praying in award shows, who say that they adore you Its paying for support, playing vulture villain for who don't change Till skin decays within a dark tomb and fades off into charcoal Plainly put, our hopes plagued, I'm blaming the apostles Mr. E Nigma |
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#2 |
nok Su kow
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Haven't read it all but I figured I'd correct the title..
*Djinn
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
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#4 |
.
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LOOOLLLLL NERDS
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
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#5 |
The COAT...
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#6 |
Senior Member
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Possible variations on spelling aside, this was great. Becoming more familiar with your style of writing I think I am better appreciating it. One thing is, your rhyme choice is always unexpected. E.g., grow in the middle - notice the symbols & warm rose - morse code & the last two lines. As for content it was focused and warning without becoming too preaching or condescending. Presented your message in a good descriptive way.
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#7 |
The COAT...
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@zygote Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you feel like you are getting more familiar with my style because I feel as though I'm reacquainting with it. I think Xces (Mayhem), yourself, and I should partake in an epic SvW nostalgia collab.
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#8 |
Razor-thin derision
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@Nigma
You've got some of the best dynamic flow patterns on the site. Unorthodox, but flexible. It follows through like a non-traditional psychadelic mushroom mixed into some brown onion soup. Which is making me hungry. "That feed off freedom and will until their greed is uncovered Do you feel like a person? Cause you're sheeple to others" ^Tite. Keep doing yume |
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#9 |
The COAT...
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Thank you very much Vulgar
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#10 |
Arm the Homeless
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Just now peeping this Nigma and I have to say I'm very impressed. I think zygote said this but your rhyme choice is always unexpected. You have a unique way with words and along with a unique style and you embrace it fully and that's what makes your pieces resonate very well. Top notch piece here. A few minor hiccups in terms of some lines being too wordy for my taste but I usually find that in almost anyone's verse I read lol. Great work here man.
Acid attacking growth from an enfant corroding decicion Light of the cross shines an open window hopelessly driven Aligning chakras minding good and evil, grow in the middle I was taught by the author I should notice the symbols ^^^Really enjoyed this section. |
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#11 |
The COAT...
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Uppin once more! Appreciate all the feed
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#12 |
SOBER
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Behold the Sphinx; this here is an ode to kings
Donating souls, I bring them gold from Minskt Wholesome prince, the last kin active, throne in eclipse Cool opening. 'Throne eclipsed' popped in my head after I read the last line. Would've been smoother and more of mesh of words Boggle pop of rhymes. Still very fun for everybody the way it stands. Aligning chakras minding good and evil, grow in the middle I was taught by the author I should notice the symbols Grow in the middle was meh, but that second line was cool. Sort of ominous but on the surface innocent enough. But those survivors live on, cut throats who violent in thought Up close their eyes look on to the sight, utmost giant of storms Uh oh! The Lions been charmed, rush home tonight and succumb to it Liked the bold. The italicized text put me off although it did help the flow of reading it. Read it as a staccato. This also highlights a problem of some shit seeming not to rhyme, though. I can catch soft rhymes and all that jazz and you definitely vary your scheme enough to keep everything smooth but certain spots were tricky. Beauty born with a sword close, cold thorns on a warm rose Well worded. What does it mean? I'm dumb. Fun to read, though, and overall good. You're a very special person. Overall this was good.
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