Champagne (Malachi & Certain)

Malachi · 08-23-2014, 07:41 PM

Plat plaques in my grasp, what more of could I ask?
Rap on my back and shit aint even spraining my spine
Shits reallly been straining on my mind
How now Dimes just aimin for my dimes
Used to be I couldnt find a quarter of they time
to spend but now Prophet got signed like a check
and this brown skinned Penny's scent round my pent startin to make sense
but fuck it tho...
Shit still aint changed
Still tryna stay sane or maybe play sane n maintain
Still tryna lessen the stressin, countin my blessings
but its hard steppin in the Right direction when you Left in depression.
Depressing how the press and the media just gettin greedier
to catch a nigga slippin, envision me trippin
On a mission to see me go missin, but shit it was written
so know I dont stiffen nor listen
i keep distance from these vultures, fake as sculptures
That only speak to wet they beak but was countin sheep
when I was beneath my peak but deceit is whats expected for certain
Serpents lurk and slither, watching my figures like anorexics
urging for me to get withered out the picture
They get scissored out it quicker
but fuck it tho I aint had shit handed to me but malice
MY palms been calloused
I practiced my practice and went from Styrofoam to chalice
Now departed from apartments I go home to lavish
but still cant find room for balance in this palace...

...15 minutes later...

Squandered a heap, the hardest defeat is looking back.
Smart on the streets. Booked with rap, carved up the beats
but never quite built a presence. Time filled the crevice.
Now marking my dreams as past lives. Flashlights
only make it harder to see as the darkness sparks my deceits.
Lying to friends, trying to find time to make ends.
Studio called me last week. Asked for my card and my key.
Locked out of the game, discarded. The final pretend,
threw my chain off a bridge. Watched it sway in the wind,
but the weight on my neck stayed heavy. Patience is thin.
Career emergency brake. Unnervingly pace
around my studio apartment, imagining the way that it ends.
Paying the rent when your coffers are empty,
after paying for friends to order lobster and Henny.
Burnt up. Burnt out. The latest greatest emcee to disappear.
They say, "It's criminal what the game did to you,"
but who's the victim here?

-

Certain · 08-23-2014, 10:31 PM

I'll return feedback on this.

Plot · 08-24-2014, 12:14 PM

Read this.
Liked it.
Mal is getting better.
Serpents just staying.
...
Really liked the disjointed patterns.

Malachi · 08-24-2014, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Certain

I'll return feedback on this.

CopyPat · 08-24-2014, 10:45 PM

eh not bad. mal i never really read you before, your storytelling is decent. you can paint a picture pretty well, very content driven which is good but the actual rhyming is your weak point. shit was just suuuuuppper basic and your vocab was boring too. copping out by saying fuck and shit more than a few times is pretty weak, just looks like you have nothing better to say. theres SOOOO many good RHYMERS on this site. if u just read and feed u will find TONS of inspiration for stepping up your technicality and flow game. cause right now its just too basic. the meat of ur verse was good though, as in what u were trying to say. keep that element in your style but add some more skill lyrically and you'll be on your way.

Certain: shutup.

jk. what advice can i give the current champ? if the rumors are true...
Way more structurally sound, way more advanced rhyming, way better vocab, mal can learn alot from you. this was a tight concise verse. very good. post more

DexLabb · 08-24-2014, 10:49 PM

holy fuck ur literally saying NOTHING. neither are you are saying anything. i cant extract one gem from this other than u like to rhyme words. mindless as fuck

Malachi · 08-25-2014, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CopyPat

eh not bad. mal i never really read you before, your storytelling is decent. you can paint a picture pretty well, very content driven which is good but the actual rhyming is your weak point. shit was just suuuuuppper basic and your vocab was boring too. copping out by saying fuck and shit more than a few times is pretty weak, just looks like you have nothing better to say. theres SOOOO many good RHYMERS on this site. if u just read and feed u will find TONS of inspiration for stepping up your technicality and flow game. cause right now its just too basic. the meat of ur verse was good though, as in what u were trying to say. keep that element in your style but add some more skill lyrically and you'll be on your way.

Certain: shutup.

jk. what advice can i give the current champ? if the rumors are true...
Way more structurally sound, way more advanced rhyming, way better vocab, mal can learn alot from you. this was a tight concise verse. very good. post more

i wasnt copping out by sayin fuck it lol.. i didnt even have to put it theree
just how i felt so i put it down
and i get what u mean my rhymes are not complex but im not lookin for a big vocab to make write good songs. im def not tryna be some aesop rock usin big ass words cause that shit is boring to me. sometimes simples is better than complex and maybe that wasnt the case here but still to each is own. thanks for the critique

Certain · 08-25-2014, 06:47 PM

CopyPat doesn't use big words.

Vulgar · 08-27-2014, 07:00 PM

Malachi had a really good flow. I thought some of the rhymes were cookie cutter at times but you also had your highlights, for sure.

urging for me to get withered out the picture
They get scissored out it quicker
^Liked this.

Certain's was cool. The first half was a little bland but the ending gets high marks:

Burnt up. Burnt out. The latest greatest emcee to disappear.
They say, "It's criminal what the game did to you,"
but who's the victim here?
^nice.

08-23-2014, 07:41 PM	#1
Malachi Negus Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,529 Battle Record: 5-10 Champed - Newbie Tourney VI Rep Power: 82877410	Champagne (Malachi & Certain) Plat plaques in my grasp, what more of could I ask? Rap on my back and shit aint even spraining my spine Shits reallly been straining on my mind How now Dimes just aimin for my dimes Used to be I couldnt find a quarter of they time to spend but now Prophet got signed like a check and this brown skinned Penny's scent round my pent startin to make sense but fuck it tho... Shit still aint changed Still tryna stay sane or maybe play sane n maintain Still tryna lessen the stressin, countin my blessings but its hard steppin in the Right direction when you Left in depression. Depressing how the press and the media just gettin greedier to catch a nigga slippin, envision me trippin On a mission to see me go missin, but shit it was written so know I dont stiffen nor listen i keep distance from these vultures, fake as sculptures That only speak to wet they beak but was countin sheep when I was beneath my peak but deceit is whats expected for certain Serpents lurk and slither, watching my figures like anorexics urging for me to get withered out the picture They get scissored out it quicker but fuck it tho I aint had shit handed to me but malice MY palms been calloused I practiced my practice and went from Styrofoam to chalice Now departed from apartments I go home to lavish but still cant find room for balance in this palace... ...15 minutes later... Squandered a heap, the hardest defeat is looking back. Smart on the streets. Booked with rap, carved up the beats but never quite built a presence. Time filled the crevice. Now marking my dreams as past lives. Flashlights only make it harder to see as the darkness sparks my deceits. Lying to friends, trying to find time to make ends. Studio called me last week. Asked for my card and my key. Locked out of the game, discarded. The final pretend, threw my chain off a bridge. Watched it sway in the wind, but the weight on my neck stayed heavy. Patience is thin. Career emergency brake. Unnervingly pace around my studio apartment, imagining the way that it ends. Paying the rent when your coffers are empty, after paying for friends to order lobster and Henny. Burnt up. Burnt out. The latest greatest emcee to disappear. They say, "It's criminal what the game did to you," but who's the victim here? - __________________ Seen the spectrum through the prisms

08-23-2014, 10:31 PM	#2
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	I'll return feedback on this. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

08-24-2014, 10:45 PM	#5
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	eh not bad. mal i never really read you before, your storytelling is decent. you can paint a picture pretty well, very content driven which is good but the actual rhyming is your weak point. shit was just suuuuuppper basic and your vocab was boring too. copping out by saying fuck and shit more than a few times is pretty weak, just looks like you have nothing better to say. theres SOOOO many good RHYMERS on this site. if u just read and feed u will find TONS of inspiration for stepping up your technicality and flow game. cause right now its just too basic. the meat of ur verse was good though, as in what u were trying to say. keep that element in your style but add some more skill lyrically and you'll be on your way. Certain: shutup. jk. what advice can i give the current champ? if the rumors are true... Way more structurally sound, way more advanced rhyming, way better vocab, mal can learn alot from you. this was a tight concise verse. very good. post more __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

08-24-2014, 10:49 PM	#6
DexLabb song genius Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 377 Rep Power: 0	holy fuck ur literally saying NOTHING. neither are you are saying anything. i cant extract one gem from this other than u like to rhyme words. mindless as fuck __________________ ZOOM IN ON THAT ASS LIKE BINOCULARS

08-25-2014, 06:47 PM	#8
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	CopyPat doesn't use big words. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

08-24-2014, 12:14 PM	#3
Plot Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,374 Battle Record: 26-32 Rep Power: 1309744	Read this. Liked it. Mal is getting better. Serpents just staying. ... Really liked the disjointed patterns.

08-27-2014, 07:00 PM	#9
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Malachi had a really good flow. I thought some of the rhymes were cookie cutter at times but you also had your highlights, for sure. urging for me to get withered out the picture They get scissored out it quicker ^Liked this. Certain's was cool. The first half was a little bland but the ending gets high marks: Burnt up. Burnt out. The latest greatest emcee to disappear. They say, "It's criminal what the game did to you," but who's the victim here? ^nice.