R2: Jhene Aiko vs. Purple Puke - [Purple Puke advances 6-4]

gaseous snake · 08-10-2014, 09:21 PM

Purple: I liked everything to the line ending with 'fiction'. The last four lines were clunkier and less good. So overall, good. Needed a stronger ending. You told a story in 14 lines that another textcee would overdo with 40. Concise and interesting, if not overly innovating. A fun read, fun sized. Enjoyed it.

Jhene: This was also good. Had a mix of hits and misses. Inconsistent but leaning toward the hits. The ending was both too abrupt and too obvious. The writing was good, although some of the rhymes were stretched.

Weird clash of length and substance. Purple did more with less. Jhene wrote well but missed the mark.

/Purple

08-10-2014, 09:21 PM	#9
gaseous snake Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 17 Rep Power: 0	Purple: I liked everything to the line ending with 'fiction'. The last four lines were clunkier and less good. So overall, good. Needed a stronger ending. You told a story in 14 lines that another textcee would overdo with 40. Concise and interesting, if not overly innovating. A fun read, fun sized. Enjoyed it. Jhene: This was also good. Had a mix of hits and misses. Inconsistent but leaning toward the hits. The ending was both too abrupt and too obvious. The writing was good, although some of the rhymes were stretched. Weird clash of length and substance. Purple did more with less. Jhene wrote well but missed the mark. /Purple