R2: Jhene Aiko vs. Purple Puke - [Purple Puke advances 6-4]

Seymour BUTTS · 08-09-2014, 03:39 PM

dope battle. Purple i liked the wording and flow here, good shit. Thought with a little more length and focus on the character it could have been a masterpiece, whereas you jumped around too quickly for me. If you picked a few fantasies and elaborated on how they morphed the character's life from child to adulthood it could have been nasty. As it stands I feel it was slightly truncated and jumped around too fast thematically. Aiko had dope wording and more linear conceptualization. The imagery was nice, delivery excellent. Good vocab and a nice, grand yet ambiguous metaphor for marriage and divorce. I was feelin Aiko more on this.

V/ Jhene Aiko

08-09-2014, 03:39 PM	#1
Seymour BUTTS Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 102 Rep Power: 0	dope battle. Purple i liked the wording and flow here, good shit. Thought with a little more length and focus on the character it could have been a masterpiece, whereas you jumped around too quickly for me. If you picked a few fantasies and elaborated on how they morphed the character's life from child to adulthood it could have been nasty. As it stands I feel it was slightly truncated and jumped around too fast thematically. Aiko had dope wording and more linear conceptualization. The imagery was nice, delivery excellent. Good vocab and a nice, grand yet ambiguous metaphor for marriage and divorce. I was feelin Aiko more on this. V/ Jhene Aiko