deadman: on nonsense

dead man · 08-05-2014, 12:07 PM

am i overindulgent or am i undeveloped
it's just another dilemma we've hidden under the rug
a new suburban asylum earns me a stub for the Metra
cross-terrain in search of something to love
pull the plug. dual person personifier promiscuous rat
and everyone i know is on a similar track
you are the top 5 people you consider your pack
shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react
time and space and slow to motivate. dead in the water
far less than an author. known anywhere from Geoffrey to Chaucer
stroked the furry wall once she extended an offer
on the house. pussy purrs for both a prince and a pauper
economics and culture. red the rum, colonic the ulcers
i'll watch apocalypto as the comet approaches

dead

NYCSPITZ · 08-05-2014, 12:55 PM

i love this shit b and i don't type all sweet like that usually my nigga

gitto138 · 08-05-2014, 01:50 PM

Cool concept dude

Eŋg · 08-05-2014, 03:04 PM

parts of this made me smile. the furry walls line was stupid (in a good way) - segment bout top 5/consider your pack/friendships collapse was dope to me. spoof, exercise or truth? this is cool shit though always good to read from you.

Seymour BUTTS · 08-05-2014, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eŋg

parts of this made me smile. the furry walls line was stupid (in a good way) - segment bout top 5/consider your pack/friendships collapse was dope to me. spoof, exercise or truth? this is cool shit though always good to read from you.

yo fuck up lil nigga b EZ

dead man · 08-05-2014, 08:16 PM

Relax bro

Seymour BUTTS · 08-05-2014, 10:02 PM

Yo dead , u walkin??

UnbornBuddha · 08-06-2014, 02:13 AM

"Colonic the ulcers" Sounds painful.

Anyways you use a very colorful language that gives even the most random images meaning in someway or another. You also have an interesting mesh of wording that is very unique, and probably have honed over the years. My favorite lines were the last two.
Only thing I can really add is sometimes your choice of words that you mesh together, while very unique, sometimes oppose each other, and there is inherent conflict in the line. Yet many at times they find resolution, but not always, and that leads to oppositional paradoxes that appear to have no credence to them, well at least to the naked eye. What it proposes is based of incongruity, but somehow you still manage to find, or better yet define with detailed artistry the unapparent symmetry. But sometimes it does remain a tad disproportionate, in terms of finding the right balance of the nitpicking between the ethereal and material, and all their apparitions.
Thank you.

Paradigm · 08-06-2014, 04:52 AM

you are the top 5 people you consider your pack
shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react
1st line is sort of profound. I really like it. 2nd everyone can relate to

Cool little piece. What I got from it is everyone is trying to find their little niche in the world and the stress a long with it you deal with. Comet coming yada yada its not the end of the world.

or maybe its 2am and im over thinking lol

rtf when you get a chance - http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=87231

sral · 08-06-2014, 05:00 AM

promiscuous rat
and everyone i know is on a similar track
you are the top 5 people you consider your pack
shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react
time and space and slow to motivate. dead in the water
far less than an author. known anywhere from Geoffrey to Chaucer

dopest section to me

red the rum, colonic the ulcers was nice too but that was my fav. from this piece

seemed done with the quickness

keep that pen moving!

Zen · 08-06-2014, 03:53 PM

you are the top 5 people you consider your pack
shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react
time and space and slow to motivate. dead in the water
far less than an author. known anywhere from Geoffrey to Chaucer
stroked the furry wall once she extended an offer
on the house. pussy purrs for both a prince and a pauper
economics and culture. red the rum, colonic the ulcers
i'll watch apocalypto as the comet approaches

These lines were excellent, blacketh.

08-05-2014, 12:07 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	deadman: on nonsense am i overindulgent or am i undeveloped it's just another dilemma we've hidden under the rug a new suburban asylum earns me a stub for the Metra cross-terrain in search of something to love pull the plug. dual person personifier promiscuous rat and everyone i know is on a similar track you are the top 5 people you consider your pack shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react time and space and slow to motivate. dead in the water far less than an author. known anywhere from Geoffrey to Chaucer stroked the furry wall once she extended an offer on the house. pussy purrs for both a prince and a pauper economics and culture. red the rum, colonic the ulcers i'll watch apocalypto as the comet approaches dead __________________ Zack Wicks for president

08-05-2014, 12:55 PM	#2
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,031 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743547	i love this shit b and i don't type all sweet like that usually my nigga __________________ UNIFIED THEORY

08-05-2014, 08:16 PM	#6
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	Relax bro __________________ Zack Wicks for president

08-06-2014, 02:13 AM	#8
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	"Colonic the ulcers" Sounds painful. Anyways you use a very colorful language that gives even the most random images meaning in someway or another. You also have an interesting mesh of wording that is very unique, and probably have honed over the years. My favorite lines were the last two. Only thing I can really add is sometimes your choice of words that you mesh together, while very unique, sometimes oppose each other, and there is inherent conflict in the line. Yet many at times they find resolution, but not always, and that leads to oppositional paradoxes that appear to have no credence to them, well at least to the naked eye. What it proposes is based of incongruity, but somehow you still manage to find, or better yet define with detailed artistry the unapparent symmetry. But sometimes it does remain a tad disproportionate, in terms of finding the right balance of the nitpicking between the ethereal and material, and all their apparitions. Thank you. Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 08-06-2014 at 03:23 AM.

08-05-2014, 01:50 PM	#3
gitto138 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: BITER Posts: 138 Battle Record: BITER Rep Power: 0	Cool concept dude

08-05-2014, 03:04 PM	#4
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	parts of this made me smile. the furry walls line was stupid (in a good way) - segment bout top 5/consider your pack/friendships collapse was dope to me. spoof, exercise or truth? this is cool shit though always good to read from you.

08-05-2014, 10:02 PM	#7
Seymour BUTTS Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 102 Rep Power: 0	Yo dead , u walkin??

08-06-2014, 04:52 AM	#9
Paradigm ___________ Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: California Posts: 1,989 Battle Record: 4-4 Champed - The Ultimate Textcee - NBL Cypher Rep Power: 11033512	you are the top 5 people you consider your pack shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react 1st line is sort of profound. I really like it. 2nd everyone can relate to Cool little piece. What I got from it is everyone is trying to find their little niche in the world and the stress a long with it you deal with. Comet coming yada yada its not the end of the world. or maybe its 2am and im over thinking lol rtf when you get a chance - http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=87231

08-06-2014, 05:00 AM	#10
sral LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: CRUMPETVILLE Posts: 8,608 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899396	promiscuous rat and everyone i know is on a similar track you are the top 5 people you consider your pack shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react time and space and slow to motivate. dead in the water far less than an author. known anywhere from Geoffrey to Chaucer dopest section to me red the rum, colonic the ulcers was nice too but that was my fav. from this piece seemed done with the quickness keep that pen moving!

08-06-2014, 03:53 PM	#11
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	you are the top 5 people you consider your pack shifting endlessly as friendships collapse. pressure react time and space and slow to motivate. dead in the water far less than an author. known anywhere from Geoffrey to Chaucer stroked the furry wall once she extended an offer on the house. pussy purrs for both a prince and a pauper economics and culture. red the rum, colonic the ulcers i'll watch apocalypto as the comet approaches These lines were excellent, blacketh.