Psycho-delic

Zen · 03-28-2013, 02:23 PM

and dancers clad in facts like "if you suck, become outrageous"
their movements seem to ripple through the rides' illuminations
waltzing to the waltzers.. - silent foolish maidens
a group engages.. - all eyes the size of frisbees
^^^These lines reminded of an acid trip the most.
Overall I'd have to say I enjoyed the piece until the ending. Great story telling and you created excellent imagery. Really have nothing bad to say except that the ending was just idk bland to me I guess. But you've got great rhyme schemes and a real hold on storytelling. Props. Can't wait to see you in the league.

03-28-2013, 02:23 PM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	and dancers clad in facts like "if you suck, become outrageous" their movements seem to ripple through the rides' illuminations waltzing to the waltzers.. - silent foolish maidens a group engages.. - all eyes the size of frisbees ^^^These lines reminded of an acid trip the most. Overall I'd have to say I enjoyed the piece until the ending. Great story telling and you created excellent imagery. Really have nothing bad to say except that the ending was just idk bland to me I guess. But you've got great rhyme schemes and a real hold on storytelling. Props. Can't wait to see you in the league.