Nightmaric Dream

Adverse · 07-28-2014, 11:43 PM

Decent piece.
Your structure and rhyme schemes weren't what I'm used to but it wasn't a bad kind of different and I actually thought it complimented a piece like this.
The imagery was decent to me, there's a few things I feel you could've expanded on or worded differently but this is an odd piece so maybe it was just because of that.
This really reminded me of Elzhi's 'Talking In My Sleep' maybe listen to that and compare notes? It might teach you something fam. Anyways, keep writing!

07-28-2014, 11:43 PM	#1
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Decent piece. Your structure and rhyme schemes weren't what I'm used to but it wasn't a bad kind of different and I actually thought it complimented a piece like this. The imagery was decent to me, there's a few things I feel you could've expanded on or worded differently but this is an odd piece so maybe it was just because of that. This really reminded me of Elzhi's 'Talking In My Sleep' maybe listen to that and compare notes? It might teach you something fam. Anyways, keep writing!