Nightmaric Dream

gitto138 · 07-27-2014, 06:26 AM

I'm having nightmares
I gotta find a way to block them now
I keep seeing demons.. who keep proceeding
to come knocking... when I'm dreaming
I gotta lock them out.. but how

After reading this part i thought it was flowing well,, i think you need to focus more on the concept rather than writing what "fits in" to rhyme.
Dude im just a beginning i suppose, but i just couldnt get into this piece, the structure was
makin it hard to follow,, keep droppin,, oh and tat kodak line,, real bad lol

I fell... and the fucking nightmare ended
That's why every time I wake I'm more demented
not use to shoes no more if they're not cemented
I seem to be fine... stable inside my mind
but I'm just pretending
cause each line written is as cursive in recursion as a vipers venom

Good line, not sure wat ya were tryin to say here though--cursive in recursion as a vipers venom

07-27-2014, 06:26 AM	#2
gitto138 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: BITER Posts: 138 Battle Record: BITER Rep Power: 0	I'm having nightmares I gotta find a way to block them now I keep seeing demons.. who keep proceeding to come knocking... when I'm dreaming I gotta lock them out.. but how After reading this part i thought it was flowing well,, i think you need to focus more on the concept rather than writing what "fits in" to rhyme. Dude im just a beginning i suppose, but i just couldnt get into this piece, the structure was makin it hard to follow,, keep droppin,, oh and tat kodak line,, real bad lol I fell... and the fucking nightmare ended That's why every time I wake I'm more demented not use to shoes no more if they're not cemented I seem to be fine... stable inside my mind but I'm just pretending cause each line written is as cursive in recursion as a vipers venom Good line, not sure wat ya were tryin to say here though--cursive in recursion as a vipers venom Last edited by gitto138; 07-27-2014 at 06:34 AM.