[10-Line Topical] dead man vs. Certain [dead man WINS]

[jilti]

Dead Man..

could there ever be a perfect goodbye? it seems not -
nobody truly hopes to leave their burdens behind
funnel clouds at harbor threatening a turbulent ride
farewell, my friend. my serpent, my swine. blurring the lines
between purpose and sign. epiphany and trick of the mind
that momentary nicotine high, it calls me softly
oil-black and costly. wheeze whistling notes
piercing chalk-washed arteries addicted to smoke
let the symptoms diagnose themselves. all doctor approved
coughing up mucus. cold-turkey pack of Marlboro blues.

Whole verse was dope


Certain..

The air becomes Spanish profanity. A knife's produced.
It shimmers for one hopeless second, slicing through
as the white consumes the table, unleashed, while the staring match
enables a peace, the slightest truce amid careless acts.
One wave of the heat. One chamber release.
Ruckus ensues. Ducking, I move from range of the AR-15

Verse was dope to this point. Ending rhymes and concept lacked something impactful


Vote- Dead