AOWL Week 6: Innovator (2-3) VS. Patrown (1-1) [PATROWN WINS, 6-4.]

King Ra. · 03-26-2013, 08:51 PM

Both of you have the skills, but still need some work. This battle is just like the one I voted on previously (ZD/IAmBenT) in that we have a conceptual approach up against a story approach. Vator, I felt your scheme was simplistic and could have been done better to make your piece stand out more. The length of your piece also kind of takes from the overall effectiveness because I felt you did a great job with the direction you went with the topic. Very creative. Word selection is a highlight. You strung some together nicely & made it flow. Vocab is great but the scheme hinders you much here. Patrown, you took a storytellers approach & did a decent job. Could have been better. Your verse was very simplistic & the scheme wasn't very impressive. When telling a story, you have to be able to execute well with imagery & detail, and this too I felt your verse lacked. I liked the direction you went with the topic, especially tackling the issue of a kid being picked on & then his decision to bring a gun to school, but man, you could have took this and made a beast of a story with it. I would like to see you really open up more with your writing, same with Vator. After all of that, I will say I'm going to give the conceptual side of things the nod here. While Vator's piece was short, I felt the vocab & some of the descriptions in your verse were cool. Patrown told a decent story which needed more juice to have taken this match up IMO.

MVGT: Innovator.

03-26-2013, 08:51 PM	#14
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932963	Both of you have the skills, but still need some work. This battle is just like the one I voted on previously (ZD/IAmBenT) in that we have a conceptual approach up against a story approach. Vator, I felt your scheme was simplistic and could have been done better to make your piece stand out more. The length of your piece also kind of takes from the overall effectiveness because I felt you did a great job with the direction you went with the topic. Very creative. Word selection is a highlight. You strung some together nicely & made it flow. Vocab is great but the scheme hinders you much here. Patrown, you took a storytellers approach & did a decent job. Could have been better. Your verse was very simplistic & the scheme wasn't very impressive. When telling a story, you have to be able to execute well with imagery & detail, and this too I felt your verse lacked. I liked the direction you went with the topic, especially tackling the issue of a kid being picked on & then his decision to bring a gun to school, but man, you could have took this and made a beast of a story with it. I would like to see you really open up more with your writing, same with Vator. After all of that, I will say I'm going to give the conceptual side of things the nod here. While Vator's piece was short, I felt the vocab & some of the descriptions in your verse were cool. Patrown told a decent story which needed more juice to have taken this match up IMO. MVGT: Innovator.