AOWL Week 6: Brass Body (0-0) VS. TopicalDood5 (0-0) [TOPICALDOOD5 wins, 8-3.]

[Ink]

Brass Body:
My first impression when I read through the piece was that the connection to the topic was kind of weak.. Yes, you pasted that quote in the beginning, and you had that one "scholar no more" line.. but it just didn't feel like you tackled the topic head on. The entertainment factor was definitely ther. The rhymes threaded throughout didn't feel overdone and there was some vivid moments.

TopicalDood5:
Powerful way to start this piece. I think the way you formatted some of these lines lended itself more to be heard rather than read... That third stanza for example, I got tripped up here and there because you switched the structure in terms of rhymes..
ie:

And he believed he reaped it from the tree of endless wisdom
Like clever mystics wishing on metal sigils
upon temple fixtures - the petals glisten, his mind a verdant matrix

just something to consider... you definitely have a solid vocabulary in your arsenal, which was refreshing to see. I did feel the fourth stanza was a little below par compared to your others, but that ending line was killer.

Vote: TopicalDood5.. Brass Body had a great verse too, but TopicalDood5 was more solid between the two.. and had some powerful moments