AOWL Week 6: Vinzr (3-0) VS. Adonis (2-0) [ADONIS WINS, 12-0.]

[Vulgar]

Adonis - Not sure if you've heard the track "Oogie" by OneBeLo, but please check it out on Youtube. I read this verse twice and realized that the way OneBeLo delivers his verse; his tone, style and pacing, works great for this as I read it in my head or outloud. Your verse was about a disappointed God addressing his many creations on a filthy planet infiltrated by sin, undisclosed behavior and all the rest of the wonderful things we do here that rhymes with 'democide.' I liked the charismatically slow, patient way you expressed yourself from the perspective of a deity. It was also evident that your own personal voice was present here, possibly speaking about your own life from behind the role of God, because in a way we are all the "gods" of our own lives. We may not control all there is but we control what we do and think, for the most part. Interesting verse to read and nice rhythm throughout.

Tired of hate directed at me with cause,
The loss of virgin boys that wear the cloth,
^I wasn't sure what this meant. Is this describing the death of children in general or is it directed at children who get molested by priests or violated in worse ways?

Vinzr - There's a lot of raw energy here that I could vibe with. You really got into character, which is rare. It wasn't emo, which is also a rare feat for topics like insomnia, where one can resort to black tears and looking up at a ceiling full of demons very quickly. I think one of your weaknesses that you can work on is how you word your lines. You have opportunities to really take advantage of an idea but sometimes choose the mediocre, less awakening route. Like here for example:

"A harsh life succumbed because of a mistake I made when I was young
Now the death dials my lungs and my body’s phone has rung"

Didn't like how you said "the death." You could change it to just "death" which is logical but you unlocked something interesting here. Death could become a character in a similar way that Nas utilized his gracious grim reaperness. "Sleep is the cousin of death." What if death is crawling through the phonelines along the street where you live, blackening your brain with electromagnetic impulses full of suffering and undead dialect - I think you could've elaborated more on that concept and made it jump off the page more. My suggestion: Expand on that energy when the opportunity presents itself.

Nice battle both, I liked reading both of these!

Vote - Adonis

[PancakeBrah]

Adonis-

That first verse was bad, in my opinion. The first two lines in the second verse were very nice! Shaped of a spoon was also cool. But view in the tube? C'mon. I know what you're saying. But we're talking about this? Ok. Third verse, mistake and Christ's sake don't rhyme. And this whole third verse was...not for me, to put it kindly. Content was shite to me mate, to put it honestly. Rhymes and flow were nothing blowjob worthy.

Vinzr-

Thought I'd vote for you after reading Adonis's verse. Nope. Could barely make it through. Real simple shit. Did not like it.


this was suck

v/ Adonshit



lol, get it....adonshit?