but self-destruction...

Vulgar · 07-02-2014, 10:10 PM

This is a chockfull of good writing. Why must it be so... emo though? I feel like you have many stories to tell to the world and some of the alcoholic in you (there's something in us all) comes out and causes a blockage of your potential to write astounding pieces. The first stanza I liked, the second a little less and the third I wasn't feeling because it ended with a mock suicide. You did well illustrating the difficulties in the main character's life but inserting open mic writing 'never being good enough' in the equation kind of supports that paradox. If you write about writing, it's not as lasting in the long run, at least in my opinion. This medium is rewarding, yet also treacherous.

Are we ever in control? Or was that a lie we've been told to believe? We just follow the zeitgeist in our prose when we speak.
^This part was brilliant.

Don't take this as a formal critique as they're only my thoughts and reactions. It's good writing but slightly counter-productive in its tone. Take it for what it is.

Keep doing you

07-02-2014, 10:10 PM	#3
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	This is a chockfull of good writing. Why must it be so... emo though? I feel like you have many stories to tell to the world and some of the alcoholic in you (there's something in us all) comes out and causes a blockage of your potential to write astounding pieces. The first stanza I liked, the second a little less and the third I wasn't feeling because it ended with a mock suicide. You did well illustrating the difficulties in the main character's life but inserting open mic writing 'never being good enough' in the equation kind of supports that paradox. If you write about writing, it's not as lasting in the long run, at least in my opinion. This medium is rewarding, yet also treacherous. Are we ever in control? Or was that a lie we've been told to believe? We just follow the zeitgeist in our prose when we speak. ^This part was brilliant. Don't take this as a formal critique as they're only my thoughts and reactions. It's good writing but slightly counter-productive in its tone. Take it for what it is. Keep doing you