Week 16: Vulgar (7-4) vs. timeless (6-7) \\ Vulgar wins 8-0

patrown · 06-17-2014, 02:23 AM

/v vulgar - the beginning was strong but your knack for stories is just incredible. right here the rhymes were fucking immaculate.. even if a little off. i really liked how it read.

The son of an alchemist, Naazim was known for his swordplay and loyal allegiance
and the way in which he bent metallic properties was bold and ingenious
Holding ingredients to foil the regents, and reciprocate their taste for agony
Draped in shackles he prayed for quicksand to overtake them rapidly

idk if it's your word choices or what, but something about those four .. i really enjoyed.

it's hard to do dialogue imo, and i really enjoyed this..

"It requires no philosopher's stone to achieve, the myths had exaggerated
use your wealth to hire an army of mercenaries until Nabuch is assassinated,"
He asked a guard for a moment with him, and said: "In the event of my death,
I'd beg of you to transport my body to my daughter so she can bury my flesh,

read smoothly while advancing the storyline without missing a beat. clean.

great piece man. would've been hard to beat. cool twist too. even if it was simple, this piece felt like actual Nubian folklore.

timeless - obv. no show piece. still had some glimmers of skill. would've enjoyed this had it been fully developed.

06-17-2014, 02:23 AM	#11
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	/v vulgar - the beginning was strong but your knack for stories is just incredible. right here the rhymes were fucking immaculate.. even if a little off. i really liked how it read. The son of an alchemist, Naazim was known for his swordplay and loyal allegiance and the way in which he bent metallic properties was bold and ingenious Holding ingredients to foil the regents, and reciprocate their taste for agony Draped in shackles he prayed for quicksand to overtake them rapidly idk if it's your word choices or what, but something about those four .. i really enjoyed. it's hard to do dialogue imo, and i really enjoyed this.. "It requires no philosopher's stone to achieve, the myths had exaggerated use your wealth to hire an army of mercenaries until Nabuch is assassinated," He asked a guard for a moment with him, and said: "In the event of my death, I'd beg of you to transport my body to my daughter so she can bury my flesh, read smoothly while advancing the storyline without missing a beat. clean. great piece man. would've been hard to beat. cool twist too. even if it was simple, this piece felt like actual Nubian folklore. timeless - obv. no show piece. still had some glimmers of skill. would've enjoyed this had it been fully developed.