Week 16: Vulgar (7-4) vs. timeless (6-7) \\ Vulgar wins 8-0

Certain · 06-09-2014, 03:29 AM

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Monday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.

Topic

Good luck, @Vulgar and @timeless.

Vulgar · 06-13-2014, 12:23 PM

The Nubian general Naazim paced in his jail cell, inept and resourceless
bereft of his forces, he had clouds about his bald head, the weather was morbid
A wretched and sordid feudalist King named Nabuch was responsible for his imprisonment
Guards were hitting him with grim instruments, vividly aware of his innocence
He had dissented on the battlefields of Nabta Playa for condemning the law
when he refused to let archers fire on a monastery defending its cause

The son of an alchemist, Naazim was known for his swordplay and loyal allegiance
and the way in which he bent metallic properties was bold and ingenious
Holding ingredients to foil the regents, and reciprocate their taste for agony
Draped in shackles he prayed for quicksand to overtake them rapidly
One night, a sparrow flew through his cell window; it was carrying a pamphlet
with a piece of glass and a stone, he suspected it was sent by Arias the Vampiress
that evil djinn of the Saharan netherworld who spoke in nobelium semantics
but the sparrow turned out to be a message from his daughter
He thanked the bird, ripped opened the pamphlet, it read: "Dear father,
"You and I both know that you are no enemy of the Nubians,
We've heard of your noble deeds, and of how they've stuck you in the loony bin,
I bring bad news, the king's soldiers have overrun our oases -
After we were raided, we received aid from scholar monks with their gray sheathes
who declared their debts to you -
Oh father, our home is rubble and waste heaps
The king is utterly crazy, and I'm flat broke now,
may the Gods humbly save me."
General Naazim then decided on a selfless act he'd have to commit
against his own well being - in an act of revenge to restore funds & immaculate whims
He'd use alchemy to turn his inner organs to gold, so his daughter could prosper again
"It requires no philosopher's stone to achieve, the myths had exaggerated
use your wealth to hire an army of mercenaries until Nabuch is assassinated,"
He asked a guard for a moment with him, and said: "In the event of my death,
I'd beg of you to transport my body to my daughter so she can bury my flesh,
Thinking nothing of it and respecting the general's wishes, he agreed to do his part
This story later became known as "The Legend of the Man with the Golden Heart"
Nazeem knelt in front of the cell window, and a silent cry of freedom rung
through the desert as he held his hand over his heart - the deed was done.

timeless · 06-13-2014, 02:23 PM

Drugged, bugged, my souls been tugged, drug through the mud.
Such a rush knowing love sucks, slumped, I jumped
into the back of line on the way to fun. Air has escaped my lungs.
My excitement is above this place, with much spaired to replace the sun.
Adjacent sums come in equal portions of death, bare the face I trust.
Couldn't hide it without beating irony in a stressed race to the punch.
Finally I won! Not really, but at least they gave me some ground.
Been chained/slaved up my whole life, I sleep in graves I dug out.
When the paint faded out, my lifestyle became visible.
When the pain raided towns, my lifestyle remained criminal.
So he arranged a civil law that freed the men in the fields.
He re-paved the road for all, just breathe the scent of the meal.
Whenever you see painted chains, think of freedom made of glass sinking.
Forever well be tainted, pain sings of freed men by abraham lincoln.

zygote · 06-15-2014, 11:56 AM

These pictures this week are great. They are like some social commentary or something. This picture seemed to be about changing nature of hip hop genre. The golden painted chains, or so-called 'bling bling' culture championed by the 50 cent and others. There are some aspects of racism and prejudice that could be brought up by this image too. As for the contest, timeless was quite short in comparison, but try not to let that cause any bias here. Vulgar had an excellent storyline, the scene setting was great, all the language contributed well into creating the rich atmosphere. The names were also great too, perhaps some small research went into this, because it seemed quite authentic. Also, the use of apocryphal story at the end was great, showing how reality can become legend. This seemed to be the message of the story more so than the actual plot itself. Timeless had great multiple rhymes, my main gripe is I think you were opposite to the picture. The picture is quite negative but you wrote it as if it was a positive thing. The he wasn't clear until the end, and maybe its my unfamiliarity with USA history, but the Abraham Lincoln reveal didn't feel like a great payoff. Voting for Vulgar.

Bladed Thesis · 06-15-2014, 12:55 PM

Overall: Vulgar. This came down to two very different verses. timeless' felt rushed, unprepared and thrown together. He seemed to have a basic idea (Abraham Lincoln) and then rushed through his verse. His flow was inconsistent, wording issues were throughout and his topic wasn't very gripping. The idea could've been executed well but he just didn't give him either enough time or enough care to finish the verse properly. Vulgar on the other hand had a well-executed verse, very consistent and well-worded flow that helped maintain his pace and tempo as well as drive the story onwards. I actually thought Vulgar's take on the topic was less unique and less different but it was how he worded it, the time you can tell he put into his verse to prepare it and ensure it worked flawlessly that gave him the win. Pretty one-sided battle, in my opinion.

Adonis · 06-15-2014, 08:21 PM

I gotta give this to vulgar for having the better flow and more fleshed out read in general. Times read as a key, short and sweet. It had a decent idea behind it, but the idea never really gathered enough speed due to lack of length. Vulgar is vulgar, witty idea and when his thoughts are able to come through he shines. In this case he did.

King Ra. · 06-16-2014, 12:28 AM

I could definitely tell timeless wasn't feeling this image this week, as his piece read like a quick key thrown together with no real foundation set. It was a simple script but had some nice phases of thoughts/ideas. I understand when you're not feeling a topic/image it's difficult to write to because of lack of inspiration. But with the playoffs up next you will have to really put in the effort and expand your horizon even if the topic/image isn't favorable. Vulgar you had a real nice written piece and I liked the direction you went. Your writing has definitely picked up lately and here it was solid. The ending stood out most because it tied everything together. A great statement that sums up your story and connects to the image too.

MVGT: Vulgar. Good job by both competitors.

e11even · 06-16-2014, 03:02 AM

MVGT vulgar for the very well executed epic while timeless had an idea that could have stood out, but did not put forth the effort and time to expand the verse. Thank you both for showing.

YDK · 06-16-2014, 03:56 PM

Wow I was expecting a lot closer than this tbh. Vulgar from the first 2 lines I could tell the setting flow and imagery was gonna be dope an you held my interest all the way through. Timeless on the other hand had a verse that seemed like you felt defeated before you even started writing. I've seen a ton better man but you started it off way too simple and never really recovered imo but wither way the concepts were both cool and atleast had some awesome ideas from both but I got vulgar with the much better execution.
vote vulgar

Certain · 06-17-2014, 12:21 AM

Vulgar: This was your best verse of the season and the best storytelling verse I've seen from you. You created a unique and memorable world that made sense in part because I used to play King's Quest as a kid. The only weak spot was the daughter character, whose letter was a bit weak and who never quite felt whole or explained. But the way you ended it was clever as hell and didn't feel rushed, especially on second read. The rhymes were strong. You enter the playoffs with quite a bit of momentum.

timeless: The first two lines were brutally bad, with one of the easiest single-syllable rhymes being forced over and over. The writing here was just well, well below what your normal standard is. It was clear you didn't care. Things like "I sleep in graves I dug out. When the paint faded out," make it clear that this was haphazard.

Vote: Vulgar

patrown · 06-17-2014, 02:23 AM

/v vulgar - the beginning was strong but your knack for stories is just incredible. right here the rhymes were fucking immaculate.. even if a little off. i really liked how it read.

The son of an alchemist, Naazim was known for his swordplay and loyal allegiance
and the way in which he bent metallic properties was bold and ingenious
Holding ingredients to foil the regents, and reciprocate their taste for agony
Draped in shackles he prayed for quicksand to overtake them rapidly

idk if it's your word choices or what, but something about those four .. i really enjoyed.

it's hard to do dialogue imo, and i really enjoyed this..

"It requires no philosopher's stone to achieve, the myths had exaggerated
use your wealth to hire an army of mercenaries until Nabuch is assassinated,"
He asked a guard for a moment with him, and said: "In the event of my death,
I'd beg of you to transport my body to my daughter so she can bury my flesh,

read smoothly while advancing the storyline without missing a beat. clean.

great piece man. would've been hard to beat. cool twist too. even if it was simple, this piece felt like actual Nubian folklore.

timeless - obv. no show piece. still had some glimmers of skill. would've enjoyed this had it been fully developed.

06-09-2014, 03:29 AM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899403	Week 16: Vulgar (7-4) vs. timeless (6-7) \\ Vulgar wins 8-0 Season 3 The Basics \| Read the full rules here. Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS. Votes are due Monday at 11:59 p.m. PT. Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent. Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread. Topic Good luck, @Vulgar and @timeless. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

06-13-2014, 12:23 PM	#2
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	The Nubian general Naazim paced in his jail cell, inept and resourceless bereft of his forces, he had clouds about his bald head, the weather was morbid A wretched and sordid feudalist King named Nabuch was responsible for his imprisonment Guards were hitting him with grim instruments, vividly aware of his innocence He had dissented on the battlefields of Nabta Playa for condemning the law when he refused to let archers fire on a monastery defending its cause The son of an alchemist, Naazim was known for his swordplay and loyal allegiance and the way in which he bent metallic properties was bold and ingenious Holding ingredients to foil the regents, and reciprocate their taste for agony Draped in shackles he prayed for quicksand to overtake them rapidly One night, a sparrow flew through his cell window; it was carrying a pamphlet with a piece of glass and a stone, he suspected it was sent by Arias the Vampiress that evil djinn of the Saharan netherworld who spoke in nobelium semantics but the sparrow turned out to be a message from his daughter He thanked the bird, ripped opened the pamphlet, it read: "Dear father, "You and I both know that you are no enemy of the Nubians, We've heard of your noble deeds, and of how they've stuck you in the loony bin, I bring bad news, the king's soldiers have overrun our oases - After we were raided, we received aid from scholar monks with their gray sheathes who declared their debts to you - Oh father, our home is rubble and waste heaps The king is utterly crazy, and I'm flat broke now, may the Gods humbly save me." General Naazim then decided on a selfless act he'd have to commit against his own well being - in an act of revenge to restore funds & immaculate whims He'd use alchemy to turn his inner organs to gold, so his daughter could prosper again "It requires no philosopher's stone to achieve, the myths had exaggerated use your wealth to hire an army of mercenaries until Nabuch is assassinated," He asked a guard for a moment with him, and said: "In the event of my death, I'd beg of you to transport my body to my daughter so she can bury my flesh, Thinking nothing of it and respecting the general's wishes, he agreed to do his part This story later became known as "The Legend of the Man with the Golden Heart" Nazeem knelt in front of the cell window, and a silent cry of freedom rung through the desert as he held his hand over his heart - the deed was done. Last edited by Vulgar; 06-13-2014 at 12:39 PM.

06-15-2014, 12:55 PM	#5
Bladed Thesis ExSol Meets HolyIsh Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: IRL Posts: 148 Battle Record: 4-2 Rep Power: 2127059	Overall: Vulgar. This came down to two very different verses. timeless' felt rushed, unprepared and thrown together. He seemed to have a basic idea (Abraham Lincoln) and then rushed through his verse. His flow was inconsistent, wording issues were throughout and his topic wasn't very gripping. The idea could've been executed well but he just didn't give him either enough time or enough care to finish the verse properly. Vulgar on the other hand had a well-executed verse, very consistent and well-worded flow that helped maintain his pace and tempo as well as drive the story onwards. I actually thought Vulgar's take on the topic was less unique and less different but it was how he worded it, the time you can tell he put into his verse to prepare it and ensure it worked flawlessly that gave him the win. Pretty one-sided battle, in my opinion. __________________ mere morals fall again, mere mortals stall my blades? ive gone everywhere 'n everywhere gone gotten Hall of Fame

06-15-2014, 08:21 PM	#6
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	I gotta give this to vulgar for having the better flow and more fleshed out read in general. Times read as a key, short and sweet. It had a decent idea behind it, but the idea never really gathered enough speed due to lack of length. Vulgar is vulgar, witty idea and when his thoughts are able to come through he shines. In this case he did. __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

06-16-2014, 12:28 AM	#7
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932960	I could definitely tell timeless wasn't feeling this image this week, as his piece read like a quick key thrown together with no real foundation set. It was a simple script but had some nice phases of thoughts/ideas. I understand when you're not feeling a topic/image it's difficult to write to because of lack of inspiration. But with the playoffs up next you will have to really put in the effort and expand your horizon even if the topic/image isn't favorable. Vulgar you had a real nice written piece and I liked the direction you went. Your writing has definitely picked up lately and here it was solid. The ending stood out most because it tied everything together. A great statement that sums up your story and connects to the image too. MVGT: Vulgar. Good job by both competitors. __________________ Vetwork, bitches.

06-13-2014, 02:23 PM	#3
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341326	Drugged, bugged, my souls been tugged, drug through the mud. Such a rush knowing love sucks, slumped, I jumped into the back of line on the way to fun. Air has escaped my lungs. My excitement is above this place, with much spaired to replace the sun. Adjacent sums come in equal portions of death, bare the face I trust. Couldn't hide it without beating irony in a stressed race to the punch. Finally I won! Not really, but at least they gave me some ground. Been chained/slaved up my whole life, I sleep in graves I dug out. When the paint faded out, my lifestyle became visible. When the pain raided towns, my lifestyle remained criminal. So he arranged a civil law that freed the men in the fields. He re-paved the road for all, just breathe the scent of the meal. Whenever you see painted chains, think of freedom made of glass sinking. Forever well be tainted, pain sings of freed men by abraham lincoln.

06-15-2014, 11:56 AM	#4
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 502 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737825	These pictures this week are great. They are like some social commentary or something. This picture seemed to be about changing nature of hip hop genre. The golden painted chains, or so-called 'bling bling' culture championed by the 50 cent and others. There are some aspects of racism and prejudice that could be brought up by this image too. As for the contest, timeless was quite short in comparison, but try not to let that cause any bias here. Vulgar had an excellent storyline, the scene setting was great, all the language contributed well into creating the rich atmosphere. The names were also great too, perhaps some small research went into this, because it seemed quite authentic. Also, the use of apocryphal story at the end was great, showing how reality can become legend. This seemed to be the message of the story more so than the actual plot itself. Timeless had great multiple rhymes, my main gripe is I think you were opposite to the picture. The picture is quite negative but you wrote it as if it was a positive thing. The he wasn't clear until the end, and maybe its my unfamiliarity with USA history, but the Abraham Lincoln reveal didn't feel like a great payoff. Voting for Vulgar.

06-16-2014, 03:02 AM	#8
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	MVGT vulgar for the very well executed epic while timeless had an idea that could have stood out, but did not put forth the effort and time to expand the verse. Thank you both for showing. __________________ Ahem.

06-16-2014, 03:56 PM	#9
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	Wow I was expecting a lot closer than this tbh. Vulgar from the first 2 lines I could tell the setting flow and imagery was gonna be dope an you held my interest all the way through. Timeless on the other hand had a verse that seemed like you felt defeated before you even started writing. I've seen a ton better man but you started it off way too simple and never really recovered imo but wither way the concepts were both cool and atleast had some awesome ideas from both but I got vulgar with the much better execution. vote vulgar __________________

06-17-2014, 12:21 AM	#10
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899403	Vulgar: This was your best verse of the season and the best storytelling verse I've seen from you. You created a unique and memorable world that made sense in part because I used to play King's Quest as a kid. The only weak spot was the daughter character, whose letter was a bit weak and who never quite felt whole or explained. But the way you ended it was clever as hell and didn't feel rushed, especially on second read. The rhymes were strong. You enter the playoffs with quite a bit of momentum. timeless: The first two lines were brutally bad, with one of the easiest single-syllable rhymes being forced over and over. The writing here was just well, well below what your normal standard is. It was clear you didn't care. Things like "I sleep in graves I dug out. When the paint faded out," make it clear that this was haphazard. Vote: Vulgar __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

06-17-2014, 02:23 AM	#11
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	/v vulgar - the beginning was strong but your knack for stories is just incredible. right here the rhymes were fucking immaculate.. even if a little off. i really liked how it read. The son of an alchemist, Naazim was known for his swordplay and loyal allegiance and the way in which he bent metallic properties was bold and ingenious Holding ingredients to foil the regents, and reciprocate their taste for agony Draped in shackles he prayed for quicksand to overtake them rapidly idk if it's your word choices or what, but something about those four .. i really enjoyed. it's hard to do dialogue imo, and i really enjoyed this.. "It requires no philosopher's stone to achieve, the myths had exaggerated use your wealth to hire an army of mercenaries until Nabuch is assassinated," He asked a guard for a moment with him, and said: "In the event of my death, I'd beg of you to transport my body to my daughter so she can bury my flesh, read smoothly while advancing the storyline without missing a beat. clean. great piece man. would've been hard to beat. cool twist too. even if it was simple, this piece felt like actual Nubian folklore. timeless - obv. no show piece. still had some glimmers of skill. would've enjoyed this had it been fully developed.