Bonus battle: Adonis vs. zygote \\ Adonis wins 5-1

e11even · 06-09-2014, 02:19 AM

Adonis- This was very unlike you. This was also very well written; an observation not directly tied to the previous comment. What was so unlike you was the amount of data imo. I really enjoyed the setting you painted... it was a sort of an autonomous post - apocalyptic arc. I also think the 'donation' of hope was very appropriate, if not a tad cliche. Either way, this was a quality read and I enjoyed what all I picked up. Good job.

Zygote- this was what I was planning to do sometime this season, but you beat me to it lol. I dig the premise, but this came off a little monolog-ish and felt like it didn't quite reel me in or accomplish much out the way of "I have cancer, but I'm not so sure how to take it." But I guess if it really did happen, would we generally feel any different? Anyway, I think rhyming this and adding some form of gripping dialogue aside from the vulgar interrogative would have benefitted the verse greatly and brought a freshness to the issue at hand. I just feel like more could have been done with the content is all. Great effort overall.

Both competitors went a little off their respective reservations with these verses, but I feel one really showed in better form. MVGT Adonis for an overall more engrossing read

06-09-2014, 02:19 AM	#6
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Adonis- This was very unlike you. This was also very well written; an observation not directly tied to the previous comment. What was so unlike you was the amount of data imo. I really enjoyed the setting you painted... it was a sort of an autonomous post - apocalyptic arc. I also think the 'donation' of hope was very appropriate, if not a tad cliche. Either way, this was a quality read and I enjoyed what all I picked up. Good job. Zygote- this was what I was planning to do sometime this season, but you beat me to it lol. I dig the premise, but this came off a little monolog-ish and felt like it didn't quite reel me in or accomplish much out the way of "I have cancer, but I'm not so sure how to take it." But I guess if it really did happen, would we generally feel any different? Anyway, I think rhyming this and adding some form of gripping dialogue aside from the vulgar interrogative would have benefitted the verse greatly and brought a freshness to the issue at hand. I just feel like more could have been done with the content is all. Great effort overall. Both competitors went a little off their respective reservations with these verses, but I feel one really showed in better form. MVGT Adonis for an overall more engrossing read __________________ Ahem.