Week 10: 5. timeless (5-4) vs. 6. Adonis (4-5) \\ timeless wins 6-5

Wonderbred · 05-02-2014, 04:43 PM

@timeless: This was a solid piece. I really felt the opening a lot, it was strong. You did a great job of telling a story with narrative, and you pulled off the switch to first person well at the end. Imagery was on point, you really conveyed the gravity of the situation. One thing I did notice was that your flow, although it was impeccable in the abstract parts at the beginning and the end, kind of fell apart in the middle. There were a lot of choppy multis and monosyllabic rhymes, which felt out of place given the complexity of the rest of it. Still, you did enough to get the point across, and I liked the verse a lot. Also, you closed it out almost perfectly.
@Adonis: First of all, I thought that was crazy how you used everyone's names in your verse. Super creative, and major points in my book. It's always kind of risky to take an abstract route like you did, and to be honest, you could've pulled it off better. I felt like your description of Time was pretty drawn out, and it took up most of the verse. I thought the connection between Time and the second part of your verse was kind of tenuous, and you didn't quite hit the topic as well as timeless IMO. Flow was kind of choppy, comparable to the middle of timeless's verse.

All in all, I felt one's verse was more relevant to the topic and, while it had its flaws, it also had more bright spots than his opponent's.
MVGT: timeless

05-02-2014, 04:43 PM	#6
Wonderbred Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: San Francisco Posts: 4 Rep Power: 0	@timeless: This was a solid piece. I really felt the opening a lot, it was strong. You did a great job of telling a story with narrative, and you pulled off the switch to first person well at the end. Imagery was on point, you really conveyed the gravity of the situation. One thing I did notice was that your flow, although it was impeccable in the abstract parts at the beginning and the end, kind of fell apart in the middle. There were a lot of choppy multis and monosyllabic rhymes, which felt out of place given the complexity of the rest of it. Still, you did enough to get the point across, and I liked the verse a lot. Also, you closed it out almost perfectly. @Adonis: First of all, I thought that was crazy how you used everyone's names in your verse. Super creative, and major points in my book. It's always kind of risky to take an abstract route like you did, and to be honest, you could've pulled it off better. I felt like your description of Time was pretty drawn out, and it took up most of the verse. I thought the connection between Time and the second part of your verse was kind of tenuous, and you didn't quite hit the topic as well as timeless IMO. Flow was kind of choppy, comparable to the middle of timeless's verse. All in all, I felt one's verse was more relevant to the topic and, while it had its flaws, it also had more bright spots than his opponent's. MVGT: timeless