Week 10 championship: 1. El Pancake (5-2) vs. 2. zygote (7-2) \\ zygote wins 6-0

zygote · 04-28-2014, 08:31 AM

SATIRIC POLITICS: AOWLSOVIA CAMPAIGN, 1833 ADDRESS.

“Good countrymen and woman, decentfolk of our honest town.
I stand before you humbled, twice beaten but not yet bowed.
My proud opposing Senator would bamboozle you with his fancy lexicon,
Thinly-veiled rhetoric, promising you everything within his lengthy yarns.
Whereupon, you will find those vows to be merely an illusion,
Empty exertions designed to inspire a degree of confusion.
Bandying words within his philosophical musings,
I give my honest guarantee that it shall not be my undoing.
Beneath his eloquence, beyond his mastery of the ‘English’ language,
I ask of you good honestmen to complete but one simple challenge.
Answer, what would my opposing Senator have you believe?
People of Aowlsovia, which facts would Mr. Pennock have you believe?
Facts are stubborn things. My opponent is as stubborn as a headless mule.
I wish to reveal several revelations he would have kept from you.
My opposing Senator views us with contempt from his icy paradise,
Looking down on all of us from his lofty, isolated palace heights.
He spares little time for the average life, for our everyday needs and desires,
He has not yet experienced loss nor the ambitions to which we aspire.
For how can someone who has not felt the grief of presidential defeat understand his brother’s plight?
We saw his indifferent nature when he retired our own Chief Justice Wright.
But I do not consider it necessary at present to discuss such sordid matters,
It is now the time to lend an unflinching gaze toward our challenges.
From the South the contentious Senator Franklin Rosenthal gathers momentum,
We need a strong presence in the executive to handle his brand of aggression.
And from the periphery all new manner of independent Senators emerge,
For how is Democracy truly Democratic if only one can ever serve?
Moreover, Mr. Pennock has recently usurped Quincy Oatsfield - our favorite President,
Utilizing such an unholy design that it can only be described as shameful precedent.
It is time for hope and change, we no longer require irrelevant rhetoric,
Cast aside clever broadsweeping references and generalist messages.
Propaganda slander depicts me as devoid of all passion and feeling,
And so I ask again, what would my opposing Senator have you believe in?
Keep staunch your belief, for my commitment remains resolute.
I will not retire after any loss, nor will I ever berate or rebuke.
Nor will I question the electorate, for I believe in the Great Democratic Process.
I can only serve those of patriotic ilk with a sense of modest progress.
I will not stoop nor compromise, for I am a plain-speaking Aowlsivian,
Us everyday-kin do not require such types of elitist politicians.
We require a common champion. Not an eloquent, uncaring bombast.
I will not further attempt to note each glaring contrast.
I’ve spent the last few days at home, in Small Town Generic County.
My physician ordered me to recover and to avoid all aggressive outings.
I cannot comply with those orders, not even in my weakened condition,
Least not while a silver-tongued charlatan holds our most prestigious position.
It is my deepest conviction that in time the righteous take up their rightful place.
It has always been my endeavor to execute my lawful writing both in good time and in good faith.
I wish to provide every Aowlsivian with my simple attitude,
Before concluding, I once more simply ask of you -
What are the facts Mr. Pennock would have you all believe?
Good decentfolk, it is now the time to cast your vote for me.”

- Senator John Hubner-Zygmann.

04-28-2014, 08:31 AM	#2
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	SATIRIC POLITICS: AOWLSOVIA CAMPAIGN, 1833 ADDRESS. “Good countrymen and woman, decentfolk of our honest town. I stand before you humbled, twice beaten but not yet bowed. My proud opposing Senator would bamboozle you with his fancy lexicon, Thinly-veiled rhetoric, promising you everything within his lengthy yarns. Whereupon, you will find those vows to be merely an illusion, Empty exertions designed to inspire a degree of confusion. Bandying words within his philosophical musings, I give my honest guarantee that it shall not be my undoing. Beneath his eloquence, beyond his mastery of the ‘English’ language, I ask of you good honestmen to complete but one simple challenge. Answer, what would my opposing Senator have you believe? People of Aowlsovia, which facts would Mr. Pennock have you believe? Facts are stubborn things. My opponent is as stubborn as a headless mule. I wish to reveal several revelations he would have kept from you. My opposing Senator views us with contempt from his icy paradise, Looking down on all of us from his lofty, isolated palace heights. He spares little time for the average life, for our everyday needs and desires, He has not yet experienced loss nor the ambitions to which we aspire. For how can someone who has not felt the grief of presidential defeat understand his brother’s plight? We saw his indifferent nature when he retired our own Chief Justice Wright. But I do not consider it necessary at present to discuss such sordid matters, It is now the time to lend an unflinching gaze toward our challenges. From the South the contentious Senator Franklin Rosenthal gathers momentum, We need a strong presence in the executive to handle his brand of aggression. And from the periphery all new manner of independent Senators emerge, For how is Democracy truly Democratic if only one can ever serve? Moreover, Mr. Pennock has recently usurped Quincy Oatsfield - our favorite President, Utilizing such an unholy design that it can only be described as shameful precedent. It is time for hope and change, we no longer require irrelevant rhetoric, Cast aside clever broadsweeping references and generalist messages. Propaganda slander depicts me as devoid of all passion and feeling, And so I ask again, what would my opposing Senator have you believe in? Keep staunch your belief, for my commitment remains resolute. I will not retire after any loss, nor will I ever berate or rebuke. Nor will I question the electorate, for I believe in the Great Democratic Process. I can only serve those of patriotic ilk with a sense of modest progress. I will not stoop nor compromise, for I am a plain-speaking Aowlsivian, Us everyday-kin do not require such types of elitist politicians. We require a common champion. Not an eloquent, uncaring bombast. I will not further attempt to note each glaring contrast. I’ve spent the last few days at home, in Small Town Generic County. My physician ordered me to recover and to avoid all aggressive outings. I cannot comply with those orders, not even in my weakened condition, Least not while a silver-tongued charlatan holds our most prestigious position. It is my deepest conviction that in time the righteous take up their rightful place. It has always been my endeavor to execute my lawful writing both in good time and in good faith. I wish to provide every Aowlsivian with my simple attitude, Before concluding, I once more simply ask of you - What are the facts Mr. Pennock would have you all believe? Good decentfolk, it is now the time to cast your vote for me.” - Senator John Hubner-Zygmann. Last edited by zygote; 04-28-2014 at 08:42 AM.