Week 8: 5. zygote (5-2) vs. X. MMLP (0-1) \\ zygote wins 5-0

oats · 04-20-2014, 08:23 PM

Zyg: the folklore tone was pinpoint in this, which is not as easy as you made it seem. In that context, I understand the simplicity of language, though I would have liked to see stronger rhymed, or more assonance of some sort. In any case, the simplicity of the story belied the largeness of emotions that were here: childlike innocence exploring out into the world only to find death. I think this was done in true fairytale spirit. This isn't a verse that jumps out and grabs you as dope, but the subtly of it resonated with me. I also like how it left off without a familial conclusion, leaving the picture as the starting point for me after the verse finished. Idk, I really dug this one.

MMLP: the rhyming was tight, but there were lots of clarity issues for me with this. the book came off to me as a loose symbol of this person's life, and since nothing seemed real to him it was as if he was living in a fictional world, unable to turn the page and start anew. with the faceless specter of his father's mental issues that could possibly be the cause of his bi-polar disorder, the ending of his dad calling while he breathed his final breaths had a nice taste of irony. But it all just felt so vague and peripheral, I needed some more concrete anchors to care about this person.

Vote: Interesting clash here, but I feel like Zyg was just more successful for what he was going for. MMLP had a lot of dope elements bouncing around, but they didn't fit cohesively for me. good battle, both good reads.

04-20-2014, 08:23 PM	#1
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,084 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005428	Zyg: the folklore tone was pinpoint in this, which is not as easy as you made it seem. In that context, I understand the simplicity of language, though I would have liked to see stronger rhymed, or more assonance of some sort. In any case, the simplicity of the story belied the largeness of emotions that were here: childlike innocence exploring out into the world only to find death. I think this was done in true fairytale spirit. This isn't a verse that jumps out and grabs you as dope, but the subtly of it resonated with me. I also like how it left off without a familial conclusion, leaving the picture as the starting point for me after the verse finished. Idk, I really dug this one. MMLP: the rhyming was tight, but there were lots of clarity issues for me with this. the book came off to me as a loose symbol of this person's life, and since nothing seemed real to him it was as if he was living in a fictional world, unable to turn the page and start anew. with the faceless specter of his father's mental issues that could possibly be the cause of his bi-polar disorder, the ending of his dad calling while he breathed his final breaths had a nice taste of irony. But it all just felt so vague and peripheral, I needed some more concrete anchors to care about this person. Vote: Interesting clash here, but I feel like Zyg was just more successful for what he was going for. MMLP had a lot of dope elements bouncing around, but they didn't fit cohesively for me. good battle, both good reads. __________________ You should be water