Week 8 contender match: 3. Mike Wrecka (3-4) vs. 4. El Pancake (3-2) \\ El Pancake wins 4-3

[Mike Wrecka]

I used to stand tall, a powerful tree,
casting a giant shadow, with a tower of leaves,
did you know the temperature would be over a thousand degrees,
if I didn't create the oxygen that allowed you to breathe,
every exhale derails the clouds with a breeze,
but that wasn't enough to leave these cowards appeased,
first a carbon footprint left the flowers diseased,
then they pulverized plants into the ground with their feet,
chainsaws formed a circle, then surrounded the weak,
this once calm forest was filled with the sounds they secrete,
trespassers evicted me out of my mountain retreat,
even creatures nesting in branches weren't out of their reach,
I shouted and shrieked, ignored, nobody noticed,
as I was separated from the ground by my opponents,
the ancient Egyptians used to glorify and worship the lotus,
but now modern day man seems to be all out of focus,
I was broken and hopeless, and loaded onto a truck,
taken from my home, by the heartless, corrupt ,
im just a carcass, enough! let me rest in peace,
but that wasn't the intention of these meddling thieves,
they were assembling trees, to be ripped apart,
felt so exposed, after being stripped of my bark,
then I was lifted and gripped with something so sharp,
only to be violently tossed and flipped into a cart,
wondering how did this happen, I used to live in a park,
until lobbyist were given the permission to start,
genocide, now the park is like a prisoners heart,
cold and empty, where nothing ever lives, in the dark,
I was assigned a number , that was listed in a chart,
then left to dry until I was found to be sufficiently parched,
sent on an industry march, down a conveyor belt,
if they hadn't cut off my limbs I would pray for help!,
but there was no one around, I was all on my own,
as they performed an autopsy and created a clone,
smaller and smaller versions of myself were laid onto the table,
then bundled back together and displayed with a label,
how could they be so hateful, I felt betrayed
became someone's property, improperly enslaved,
I asked my soul, how ever will you survive?
as I had nails driven through me, crucified,
used to be alive, until they took all they could take,
now my body parts work together to permanently close a gate,
once again given a purpose, keeping people safe,
first provided them with air, now I keep them out of a lake,
but now I feel a crack, and start to break,
underneath the pressure of somebodies weight,

I hear laughter and then a splash




all I ever wanted was to be in my forest and stand still
but now im deemed useless and headed for a landfill

what a waste of life, will humans ever get it right?
the earth provides them with everything, but at what price?

[Split]

I can taste the sea’s salt. Teetering, see-saw in the ocean’s breeze.
All you could hope to see. The vast expanse, underneath; the chorral reefs.
>strong foreshadowing

In my mind, a chorus sings. Of freedom, of horrid things;
to jump through these planks of wood and towards the stream.
I’ve played this scene out, this cogent dream,
so many times I felt nostalgia as soon as I broached the beams
with the sun at dusk, the reflected view. So serene.
>didnt like "broached" here, couldnt tell if you were talking about the wood grating seen in the picture or the sunlight. also a little weak in details compared to your opener


Suspended
for one moment, enthralled in a wanderlust.
As every restrained synapse erupts, as I ardently summoned up...
...and released. Free. A God in the Summer dust.
> a god in the summer dust sounded wonderful but it seems a bit prosaic. "enthralled in a wanderlust" seemed like it goes against the grain of being content and nostalgic in a peaceful (mental) forest clearing.

Gorgeous; to ignore the math and instead start doing.
Karkosa. Off of the boat, to forge a path of my own choosing

The freedom to move. Salt water and cerulean hues.
Muscles to ache. Stomach and hunger a mate, futility’s ruse.
Freedom as far as I could see. For both crustacean and ape.
As the numb sensation abates to a feeling of nothing at all
while the formerly gorgeous sun sets to change Summer to Fall.
It’s by a toenail moonlight’s gleam that I soak,
as my eyes bleed and I choke with every weak freestyle stroke.
So staunchly alone with just this gauntlet I’ve thrown;
rather a free man dead than one kept alive watching a throne.
How long can a man live at sea? With no form of help to come?
Twice as well as one can than when under someone elses thumb.
Even as the time passes slow as the brine’s passive flow
and the mind’s grasp unfolds to show fine cracks exposed.
Still it’s better. As I gasp for air, with arms light as lead,
and the toenail creeps slowly towards the horizon’s edge.

-

Hour unknown. The sun hangs in the east, sky full of violet,
as death creeps as slowly as me towards a visible islet.
A thousand feet. An age and an era away, at the pace of swim.
You’ll never make it in. A body of dregs, with separated skin,
sodium scoured, head giving in to this elevating din.
Five hundred feet. Exhaustion. The weight of a journey
crushing all at once. Depression. The sensation of burning,
the first sensation in...who can even say? Pervasively yearning...
...one hundred feet. Palm trees, a garden gleaming.
Vision blurred, and hard of breathing. Cathartic wheezing.
The thoughts of leaving.

The tide moved me in, as my body had its fill
and my thoughts gave way to something so...still.
Ever close. Before I felt it all give way, I breathed, one more time,
the purest breath. As I died a free man, hand on the shoreline.

It felt like the warmest Summer night I ever knew.[/QUOTE]
Well written piece, especially rhythmically. I would describe it overall as vividly vague. Not the writer. It very elaborated crafted a simple idea and plot. It was enjoyable to read but it wasn't as succinct as your usual standard, and didn't have the same volume of conceptual intri***ies that upper tier writers such as yourself tend to put forth. Good connection to the topic on multiple levels.

Originally Posted by Mike Wrecka

I used to stand tall, a powerful tree,
casting a giant shadow, with a tower of leaves,
did you know the temperature would be over a thousand degrees,
if I didn't create the oxygen that allowed you to breathe,
every exhale derails the clouds with a breeze,
but that wasn't enough to leave these cowards appeased,
first a carbon footprint left the flowers diseased,
then they pulverized plants into the ground with their feet,
chainsaws formed a circle, then surrounded the weak,
> up through here, butter smooth. top notch flow.

this once calm forest was filled with the sounds they secrete,
trespassers evicted me out of my mountain retreat,
even creatures nesting in branches weren't out of their reach,
I shouted and shrieked, ignored, nobody noticed,
>masterful scheme switches here and within next few lines
as I was separated from the ground by my opponents,
the ancient Egyptians used to glorify and worship the lotus,
but now modern day man seems to be all out of focus,
I was broken and hopeless, and loaded onto a truck,
taken from my home, by the heartless, corrupt ,
im just a carcass, enough! let me rest in peace,
but that wasn't the intention of these meddling thieves,
they were assembling trees, to be ripped apart,
felt so exposed, after being stripped of my bark,
then I was lifted and gripped with something so sharp,
only to be violently tossed and flipped into a cart,
wondering how did this happen, I used to live in a park,
until lobbyist were given the permission to start,
genocide, now the park is like a prisoners heart,
cold and empty, where nothing ever lives, in the dark,
>prisoners heart was cornball
I was assigned a number , that was listed in a chart,
then left to dry until I was found to be sufficiently parched,
sent on an industry march, down a conveyor belt,
if they hadn't cut off my limbs I would pray for help!,
but there was no one around, I was all on my own,
as they performed an autopsy and created a clone,
smaller and smaller versions of myself were laid onto the table,
then bundled back together and displayed with a label,
how could they be so hateful, I felt betrayed
became someone's property, improperly enslaved,
I asked my soul, how ever will you survive?
as I had nails driven through me, crucified,
used to be alive, until they took all they could take,
now my body parts work together to permanently close a gate,
once again given a purpose, keeping people safe,
first provided them with air, now I keep them out of a lake,
but now I feel a crack, and start to break,
underneath the pressure of somebodies weight,

I hear laughter and then a splash




all I ever wanted was to be in my forest and stand still
but now im deemed useless and headed for a landfill

what a waste of life, will humans ever get it right?
the earth provides them with everything, but at what price?

last two lines were pedantic but otherwise very solid drop. Best display of rhyming you've put forth since NC's 1.0. A little bit repetitive with your schemes but very smooth and natural except for in one or two spots. Kinda uninspired story but it didnt even matter because the delivery and lyricism was very engrossing. Great piece.



Good battle. I had Mike Wrecka, more impressive verse overall but it was a good clash.