I don't want to fight

[PancakeBrah]

Nice to see you writing. This was good, although it left me with some questions.

"Even the deepest of minds can find relief in a rhyme
This didn't start with rap, we are a people - aligned
Thru history, experience, passion and grief have combined
To ease the gnashing of teeth, and cease the lashings that beat
From behind the walls of deceit, installing release with a line
I hear the words call in my sleep, but I'm blind
When I'm awake, standing tall on my feet - it's a sign"

I didn't quite like the first line, just because of the 'even'. I think it's safe to assume a 'deep' mind or someone who classify themselves as having a 'deep mind' would be more prone to find relief in writing, which 'even' throws off a bit. Would've worked better without the 'even'. Second line was a nice bit of wording. I am and always have been a fan of using punctuation to accent rhymes and pace a piece. Did that there. The rhyming of the third and fourth line were good, the content solid enough I suppose. Just starting off, haven't picked up steam yet. 'installing release' was awkward, the first instances of off wording. Nothing too bad. The rhyme you paired it with, though, was very fluid and helps forgive the wording. installing release with a line/call in my sleep but I'm blind is very smooth. I again liked the use of the dash. Adds a some momentum and clarifies your thought. Helps complete the rhyme, too, obviously. Solid opening.

"Consciousness is overrated, dreams are where hope is naked
We see them bare, trying to breathe this air could choke the sacred
I'm a leader - scared, but with a potent cadence
Glowing - fragrant, trying not to grow impatient
Tho I feel like I'm dying, I'm sighing - and I'm so complacent
Overblown and blatant ego decodes the latent soul that's vacant"

'We see them bare' is good wording. Bare is a good word. I enjoy using it. Sacred was maybe a bit forced of a word? Maybe, maybe not. Seems like you had a scheme going and needed a word. Could be wrong. Potent cadence was cool. How fragrant are you, Mr. Witty? Glowing - fragrant was a bit tricky to me. Not sure about it. I liked 'I'm so complacent'. Nothing stunning in the wording but it captured the tone of your piece and read well, you placed some weight on it and it came through honest which always makes a line work. I don't think you needed blatant, but I liked the last line overall.

"A little known aqquaintance from a different me that still exists
But is never seen, it's filled with mist, the lover who killed the kiss
It's smothered, I hid it away, so another instilled the bliss
My world is falling apart, and I'm calling it art
It isn't just writing, this is the pain forming a ball in my heart
Thoughts are swarming where the demons crawl, and it's dark
Sometimes I'm feeling tall, other times I'm weak and small
Smothered by a life that would make any other guy cease and fall"

I like how you used an internal to transition from the last scheme to this one. Smooth work. Instilled the bliss was a bit off. Quit installing and instilling your releases and blisses. Your circuits will overload. I thought the bolded line captured a through-vein of the open mic with succinct and effective wording. Enjoyed it. Not all dope, quotable lines have to be complex rocket ships. This is a good example of that. The line after the bold made it pretty clear that you're exercising some shit in this piece. Honest work. I'm never a fan of the 'demons' symbol for torment. I think you could have reworked the last line a bit.

"But I'm about to release the dog, I've just found the piece, the cog
To make this machine heave and cough, before it kicks into life
And recedes the smog, I'm leaping the tallest buildings in one bound
What's up now? Now that The King is back, your mouth is shut?
Wow...you spoke the loudest when my mind was full of clouds and stuff
But I get it, now that I'm out, it's tough...lil faggot, fucking powderpuff
I thought you might have something to say bitch, you run ur mouth enough
Now you're wandering about like 'fuck', I've got that thunderous clout
You aren't about nothing, you're a punk with a pout"

I'm not entirely sure, but this basically you talking shit to yourself, right? About toughening up? It could read as that or a random piece of braggadocio aimed at the audience. What with the theme of consciousness and ego vs. latent soul, though, I figure this is an internal conversation. Tell me if I'm wrong. Not only did this section have a severely different tone than the beginning, the rhyming also felt different. Did you write this in a different sitting than the first? Almost seems like it. The cog/machine heave and cough wording and imagery was cool. The last line was good as well. I think the transition to this portion was very abrupt, though, and you may have been better served gradually working into this. It went from plaintive reflection and kicking yourself while down to hyper-aggressive within a line.

"See I can be the poet, the dumb guy, and the funny dude
But you'll know it when I run by, you're scum, you're food
Now I'm the reincarnated beast that carves hatred
Into these streets that bleed from scars; faded
Over the years, and sometimes when I'm sober the tears
Take me over, as I look to the sky when I'm alone and it's clear
Wishing for peace upon a star, or just a little piece of all the wealth
Because I don't want to fight anybody any longer...least of all myself."

Liked the first line. The ending four lines, especially the closing line, capped this piece off well. A good ending is always nice.

You had strong rhyming throughout and the flow didn't have any hiccups how I read it. You had a couple instances of wording I didn't like but that's just personal preference and I'm probably to picky on wording when feeding. I liked the content, the idea of the internal dialogue and discourse. Angry at yourself, self-motivating, and in the end apathetic. Enjoyed reading it.