AOWL Week 5: Witty (1-2) VS. nO goOd! (0-0) OPEN FOR VOTES!!!

Frank · 03-19-2013, 01:22 PM

No Good, this was a simple, all american tale - and it registered with me because I'm aware you are a ex soldier. Daps on that. This had a Simpleness to it that reminded me of Forest Gump writing letters to Jenny. You know the scene in the tent, and it's raining and Forrest is just recounting everything for her in a really simple manner. I'm not sure how much effort you exerted writing this but it didn't feel contrived, in other words it wasn't well planned. I could freestyle your verse. Know what I'm saying? It wasn't technical. The charm comes from your real life time as a soldier that trenscends the screen and adds a real life element to your piece. If somebody else wrote this piece, I'd probably say O.K. Alright. Next. You seem like a happy go lucky kind of guy and I read your from an audio background, so you may be able to make that verse come alive with your rapping abilities. Unfortunately, this is a text site. You need concrete content. This was light and could be swept away in one fail swoop. Your verse was like a house of straw. A wolf would blow it down. The section where you talk from the perspective of a female was ehhhhh. Men should not portray little girls, Unless they are that good. All in all. It's your first week Cadet. Show and prove. You spelled diary wrong. Witty, this felt like a diary entry more so than your opponent who labeled his entry Diary of his dreams. The writing was composed and tailored. I thought some of your transitions were crafty. Like the smitherans section. I thought the writing was simply. Not simple like your opponents. This is a fine line between SIMPLY and SIMPLE. Ponder that. Vote goes to Witty

03-19-2013, 01:22 PM	#1
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	No Good, this was a simple, all american tale - and it registered with me because I'm aware you are a ex soldier. Daps on that. This had a Simpleness to it that reminded me of Forest Gump writing letters to Jenny. You know the scene in the tent, and it's raining and Forrest is just recounting everything for her in a really simple manner. I'm not sure how much effort you exerted writing this but it didn't feel contrived, in other words it wasn't well planned. I could freestyle your verse. Know what I'm saying? It wasn't technical. The charm comes from your real life time as a soldier that trenscends the screen and adds a real life element to your piece. If somebody else wrote this piece, I'd probably say O.K. Alright. Next. You seem like a happy go lucky kind of guy and I read your from an audio background, so you may be able to make that verse come alive with your rapping abilities. Unfortunately, this is a text site. You need concrete content. This was light and could be swept away in one fail swoop. Your verse was like a house of straw. A wolf would blow it down. The section where you talk from the perspective of a female was ehhhhh. Men should not portray little girls, Unless they are that good. All in all. It's your first week Cadet. Show and prove. You spelled diary wrong. Witty, this felt like a diary entry more so than your opponent who labeled his entry Diary of his dreams. The writing was composed and tailored. I thought some of your transitions were crafty. Like the smitherans section. I thought the writing was simply. Not simple like your opponents. This is a fine line between SIMPLY and SIMPLE. Ponder that. Vote goes to Witty __________________ *VETWORK*