AOWL Week 5: Innovator (2-2) VS. King Keith (1-1) OPEN FOR VOTES!!!

patrown · 03-18-2013, 11:05 PM

/v King Keith - to me the point itself was being emphasized more than the language itself.. animals have their stingers and claws, but our drive and intellect is our greatest weapon and responsibility. i was a bit thrown off by.. "and consequence ours bend," feel like there's a point being made there that went over my head. read like a narration and was entertaining. fulfilling, albeit easy, read.
Who rules the earth with an iron scepter?
.... Jesus Christ, let's not get too religious.
Man has taken over, we're vicious,
causing mass destruction in a matter of minutes.
humor through directness was almost as much a part of the pieces impact as the subject matter, imo.

Innovator - i feel your overall message, we are an ignorant species and our taking an active part in our own demise.
although the second block was good.. the recurring end rhymes throughout, in my opinion, left a want to connect with rhyme to the first and last stanzas. overall, it was decent. it seems like the overall point was the main character,Earth, going back to the animals after we off ourselves. interesting take. complaints are improper word usage (i.e. immolates) and grammar errors.

03-18-2013, 11:05 PM	#14
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	/v King Keith - to me the point itself was being emphasized more than the language itself.. animals have their stingers and claws, but our drive and intellect is our greatest weapon and responsibility. i was a bit thrown off by.. "and consequence ours bend," feel like there's a point being made there that went over my head. read like a narration and was entertaining. fulfilling, albeit easy, read. Who rules the earth with an iron scepter? .... Jesus Christ, let's not get too religious. Man has taken over, we're vicious, causing mass destruction in a matter of minutes. humor through directness was almost as much a part of the pieces impact as the subject matter, imo. Innovator - i feel your overall message, we are an ignorant species and our taking an active part in our own demise. although the second block was good.. the recurring end rhymes throughout, in my opinion, left a want to connect with rhyme to the first and last stanzas. overall, it was decent. it seems like the overall point was the main character,Earth, going back to the animals after we off ourselves. interesting take. complaints are improper word usage (i.e. immolates) and grammar errors.