The thoughts in my head

Witty · 03-27-2014, 08:51 PM

I've been doing this shit for such a long time
Now it's automatic, I never pick the wrong rhyme
The prick who brings the pain, there's a river in my brain
Flowing quicker than the liquor in my veins
Making me warm while I shiver in the rain
Art is frivolous and what it delivers is inane
When it's too hard to remember shit, you're too scarred to reminisce
You have two hearts, cut in two parts by the truth's shards of shattered bliss
Nothing but pain, when anger is all that remains
They call it insane, I call it trying not to vomit as I crawl in the flames
Nothing's worse than when the bubble of a love has burst
And reacting in anger is the only way it doesn't hurt
You struggle, search, for a way to escape as you fear you'll crumble first
I shapeshift, I can make you want to love and make you want to raise fists
I can make you praise the God above, and I can make you fucking HATE shit
Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person
It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing
Yet lately it seems the shit's reversing, yesterday I was Mr Gray, obscene
I was listless, cursing, lips were pursing, didn't have shit to say, just pissed and hurting
Today I'm Mr Perfect...hurray...guess it's the perks of decay in my twisted nerves
Not saying it's a curse but if it ain't then it's from birth, a function in my brain that didn't work
Addicted to addiction, when it comes to rhymes yeah I kick it fluid but I'm sick of doing fiction
Imprisoned in this prism and the prison food is sickening, vomiting these simple, useless, visions
Through barriers, restrictions, living through my characters, vicarious affliction
Judas Iscariot of diction.

Zen · 03-27-2014, 09:00 PM

Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person
It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing
^Dope. Really loved the wording on this in particular.

This started off a little slow but after the art line it began to pick up nicely and was very entertaining. The emotion is the star in this, and that with your use of multis paced this along effortlessly. Drop more in the OM.

Fig · 03-27-2014, 11:05 PM

The fox still has it!
This piece grew more refined as it went on. Although, I am enjoying it the more I read it. It read like an onslaught of racing thoughts, which was complimented finely with the braggadocious edge you employ. The end bit I didn't enjoy. It wasn't as natural as everything before it seemed. Dope. You're one of those guys that need to keep dropping in the OM. SODOIT.

Witty · 03-28-2014, 10:49 AM

thanks bros.

03-31-2014, 10:27 AM

I enjoyed this, tbh. I feel in some areas you were a little redundant, but at the same time, the visuals/imagery were nice as if I can visualize the character and his emotions. Needless to say, pretty decent piece here @Witty. So props. Keep writing.

Quote:

When it's too hard to remember shit, you're too scarred to reminisce
You have two hearts, cut in two parts by the truth's shards of shattered bliss

Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person
It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing

My favorite bars out of the entire piece. Also, felt in certain areas you could have did a little better with your inner flow and matched your syllables a little better as some just seemed like filler just to match the rhyme. Overall as I stated, pretty decent piece, sir.

Geno · 03-31-2014, 08:54 PM

Very dope fam.

Exis · 04-01-2014, 07:39 AM

This was good...what Sicc quoted was my favorites also, flow was straight.Emotion & imagery are stand outs imo...it was a real solid read all round.You don't drop a lot of OM joints but you should, 'tis a refreshin' style that you have there man.

Stay uppity.

Coup · 04-02-2014, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Addicted to addiction, when it comes to rhymes yeah I kick it fluid but I'm sick of doing fiction
Imprisoned in this prism and the prison food is sickening, vomiting these simple, useless, visions
Through barriers, restrictions, living through my characters, vicarious affliction
Judas Iscariot of diction.

This was strangely enjoyable to read....you did not betray diction here, you honored it.

also,

Quote:

I can make you praise the God above, and I can make you fucking HATE shit

I don't believe you. Not judging ya.

Dove Dozer · 04-02-2014, 12:22 PM

This is good man. Nice flow to it. Vivid imagery as well. Pretty sick piece.
Peep my audio track "Not Ready"

Vulgar · 04-02-2014, 12:47 PM

Cool keystyle. You commanded a good amount of swagger in some lines. Writing wise and mechanically, you are capable of more, I think. Maybe I look for a greater degree of complexity than I used to... being concise and to the point is an underrated quality to a drop. You achieved balance here.

Keep doing you

Witty · 04-02-2014, 03:29 PM

Yeah this was the beginnings of three other pieces, didnt ever get to finish them so I just threw them together with an additional line or two so it didn't seem too disjointed.

big baby · 04-02-2014, 03:40 PM

I liked vulgar when he said the stuff about the short lines being underrated in execution. nicecece

Bodey · 04-02-2014, 11:36 PM

Little slow at first but it kept gettin better and better. Loved the last 4 bars the best, it went together so smooth and natural. Good shit to read when I cant sleep at 11:33

Witty · 04-02-2014, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Badi Alii

Little slow at first but it kept gettin better and better. Loved the last 4 bars the best, it went together so smooth and natural. Good shit to read when I cant sleep at 11:33

I am happy I could give you something to read at 11:33

I hope by 12:33 you will be fast asleep.

Wait is it 00:33?...fuck it, one of those.

I shudda stayed in school.

david stern razor burns · 04-03-2014, 12:24 AM

This read fairly smoothly. I thought it started out pretty slow and boring, but you really caught your stride about midway through the verse and it got better and better. Way to pick it up. The lyrics were, like I say, easy to read, you could catch the rhythm of the piece very easily. But that being said it wasn't like you were really saying much, was just kind of mundane. Then, like I say, it really picked up substantially and it felt a lot more real during the latter part of the verse. Overall this was a solid piece, good job, Witty.

03-27-2014, 08:51 PM	#1
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	The thoughts in my head I've been doing this shit for such a long time Now it's automatic, I never pick the wrong rhyme The prick who brings the pain, there's a river in my brain Flowing quicker than the liquor in my veins Making me warm while I shiver in the rain Art is frivolous and what it delivers is inane When it's too hard to remember shit, you're too scarred to reminisce You have two hearts, cut in two parts by the truth's shards of shattered bliss Nothing but pain, when anger is all that remains They call it insane, I call it trying not to vomit as I crawl in the flames Nothing's worse than when the bubble of a love has burst And reacting in anger is the only way it doesn't hurt You struggle, search, for a way to escape as you fear you'll crumble first I shapeshift, I can make you want to love and make you want to raise fists I can make you praise the God above, and I can make you fucking HATE shit Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing Yet lately it seems the shit's reversing, yesterday I was Mr Gray, obscene I was listless, cursing, lips were pursing, didn't have shit to say, just pissed and hurting Today I'm Mr Perfect...hurray...guess it's the perks of decay in my twisted nerves Not saying it's a curse but if it ain't then it's from birth, a function in my brain that didn't work Addicted to addiction, when it comes to rhymes yeah I kick it fluid but I'm sick of doing fiction Imprisoned in this prism and the prison food is sickening, vomiting these simple, useless, visions Through barriers, restrictions, living through my characters, vicarious affliction Judas Iscariot of diction. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

03-27-2014, 11:05 PM	#3
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	The fox still has it! This piece grew more refined as it went on. Although, I am enjoying it the more I read it. It read like an onslaught of racing thoughts, which was complimented finely with the braggadocious edge you employ. The end bit I didn't enjoy. It wasn't as natural as everything before it seemed. Dope. You're one of those guys that need to keep dropping in the OM. SODOIT. __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

03-28-2014, 10:49 AM	#4
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	thanks bros. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

03-31-2014, 08:54 PM	#6
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Very dope fam. __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

04-02-2014, 03:29 PM	#11
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	Yeah this was the beginnings of three other pieces, didnt ever get to finish them so I just threw them together with an additional line or two so it didn't seem too disjointed. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

03-27-2014, 09:00 PM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing ^Dope. Really loved the wording on this in particular. This started off a little slow but after the art line it began to pick up nicely and was very entertaining. The emotion is the star in this, and that with your use of multis paced this along effortlessly. Drop more in the OM.

04-01-2014, 07:39 AM	#7
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	This was good...what Sicc quoted was my favorites also, flow was straight.Emotion & imagery are stand outs imo...it was a real solid read all round.You don't drop a lot of OM joints but you should, 'tis a refreshin' style that you have there man. Stay uppity.

04-02-2014, 12:22 PM	#9
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	This is good man. Nice flow to it. Vivid imagery as well. Pretty sick piece. Peep my audio track "Not Ready"

04-02-2014, 12:47 PM	#10
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Cool keystyle. You commanded a good amount of swagger in some lines. Writing wise and mechanically, you are capable of more, I think. Maybe I look for a greater degree of complexity than I used to... being concise and to the point is an underrated quality to a drop. You achieved balance here. Keep doing you

04-03-2014, 12:24 AM	#15
david stern razor burns with razor spurs Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: At David Blaine's favorite place with David Spade and Macy Gray Posts: 87 Rep Power: 3750190	This read fairly smoothly. I thought it started out pretty slow and boring, but you really caught your stride about midway through the verse and it got better and better. Way to pick it up. The lyrics were, like I say, easy to read, you could catch the rhythm of the piece very easily. But that being said it wasn't like you were really saying much, was just kind of mundane. Then, like I say, it really picked up substantially and it felt a lot more real during the latter part of the verse. Overall this was a solid piece, good job, Witty.