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03-27-2014, 11:19 PM
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Om
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6,461
Battle Record: 8-16
Rep Power: 84181562   |
Alright well the first thing, I don't think paragraph format worked in your favor. Some lines seemed long-winded. And the dialogue was kinda weak imo. That shit about poppin optimists and decimating Methodist was pretty tight though. Flowed nice. Wasnt sure how serious to this after I read the final line lol. I enjoyed the turmoil expressed in the beginning. Seemed real
Do you boo
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