another one

[oats]

aite. so this was good, and def good subject matter for experimenting with a new style. who can't write about heartache and chicks.

I've said it before, not too sure what the difference between a "topical" style is and a "storytelling style," as I think topicals generally also tell stories (as you did here), but I think you have the right idea in terms of using more imagery and metaphors. In this instance, not everything really connected with me (an ocean can't be 40 below, it would be frozen, rose from the concrete is kinda cliche, etc). I did like how you turned the adam and eve comparison on its head though, that one worked.

all in all, this wasn't bad, and it was enjoyable. I wouldn't focus too much on one style or another, just do what you're comfortable with and see how you can switch it up or add to it to make it different. you have good instincts as a writer, and the willingness to experiment is a good indicator of that. sign back into the AOWL now.

[Just Write]

Originally Posted by oats

aite. so this was good, and def good subject matter for experimenting with a new style. who can't write about heartache and chicks.

I've said it before, not too sure what the difference between a "topical" style is and a "storytelling style," as I think topicals generally also tell stories (as you did here), but I think you have the right idea in terms of using more imagery and metaphors. In this instance, not everything really connected with me (an ocean can't be 40 below, it would be frozen, rose from the concrete is kinda cliche, etc). I did like how you turned the adam and eve comparison on its head though, that one worked.

all in all, this wasn't bad, and it was enjoyable. I wouldn't focus too much on one style or another, just do what you're comfortable with and see how you can switch it up or add to it to make it different. you have good instincts as a writer, and the willingness to experiment is a good indicator of that. sign back into the AOWL now.

Lmao, I didnt understand what you meant about the ocean one at first because I meant as in like a movie setting haha. Like I got an icebox where my heart used to be type shit. And word, I signed back in already