AOWL Week 5 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Frank (4-0) VS. zygote (3-0) (FRANK WINS 10-4)

[ZeeDee]

zygote, i liked your idea a lot and your narration was great too even without being full of a lot of flow multies and inners.. it still held a lot of smooth worded liines that were intellectually stimulating... you provided a great storyline, only problem is, you provided no story. no characters, no sequence of events... nothing to give this story the details that would make this kind of outline interesting. You have all the details like a scientist which would be great if we were all a little more nerdy, but we're lyrical writers and that needs an entertainment factor that i think this is missing from not having a story with this storyline. needs some characters and some events to make it juicy. The sci fi approach is cool tho...


Frank, This was a cool one... great character description and even better with the flow. Easy to read... the fat bum characterization was funny and fitting to a lot of this countries people... I liked the chorus as well which i rarely do even in real rap songs... You did really well with the character development of this and by the time you ended, i felt like i personally new Willy, the fat bumb and felt his loser lifestyle as if i witnessed his over eating and not getting any pussy ever. Good one man....

Vote Frank