Week 4: Vividlyvague (3-0) vs. Pinot Grij (2-0) \\ Vividlyvague wins 6-1

Vulgar · 03-23-2014, 12:42 PM

Vividlyvague - lol this would be a good idea for a comic book. You're adept at incorporating dialogue to tell a story and making it animated. There's something going on that can engage the reader into the scenes. This story was cool, I thought. The ending wasn't what I expected, with the grandson talking about his crazy old grandpa again. I think if the reader was more heart-warmed towards the grandpa during all of this, we might sympathize with his outlandish tales. Grandpas are usually lovable, so maybe you could capitalize more on making the character appeal to us, only because it's not an automatic, innate response to be inclined to feel nostalgia towards a grandfather figure. Strong showing.

Pinot Grij - Haha, you're spot on with your criticisms. The ending was pretty cute as well. You took the topic very literally which works against some people, but because of your superior approach to humor, you were able to execute this with ease. Good rhyming and critiques towards graffiti throughout. I wouldn't say this was as thorough as your Alex Trebek verse (not every verse can be as complete as the longer ones) I enjoyed this though. I don't know if I liked it more than VV's though.

Vote - Vividlyvague

I preferred the wildness of his take. Pinot kept it safe, while still being witty.

03-23-2014, 12:42 PM	#7
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Vividlyvague - lol this would be a good idea for a comic book. You're adept at incorporating dialogue to tell a story and making it animated. There's something going on that can engage the reader into the scenes. This story was cool, I thought. The ending wasn't what I expected, with the grandson talking about his crazy old grandpa again. I think if the reader was more heart-warmed towards the grandpa during all of this, we might sympathize with his outlandish tales. Grandpas are usually lovable, so maybe you could capitalize more on making the character appeal to us, only because it's not an automatic, innate response to be inclined to feel nostalgia towards a grandfather figure. Strong showing. Pinot Grij - Haha, you're spot on with your criticisms. The ending was pretty cute as well. You took the topic very literally which works against some people, but because of your superior approach to humor, you were able to execute this with ease. Good rhyming and critiques towards graffiti throughout. I wouldn't say this was as thorough as your Alex Trebek verse (not every verse can be as complete as the longer ones) I enjoyed this though. I don't know if I liked it more than VV's though. Vote - Vividlyvague I preferred the wildness of his take. Pinot kept it safe, while still being witty.