AOWL Week 5: Red glare (2-1) VS. Zenland (2-2) OPEN FOR VOTES!!!

Adonis · 03-16-2013, 11:17 PM

ZenLand- so you had some really good lines with nice meanings, then some not so good lines. There were grammar errors here and there which is annoying to me, but I over look them sometimes. But most notably the 2nd to last line isn't proper english at all. Now if you removed 1 word it is. IDK? Things like this make urk me cuz I take time while reading for a vote and read each piece 2 to 3 times. Then it seems like I'm the only one who proof read. I'm going on a tangent sorry....it was a verse about a lot. The world I guess. The key maker essentially is life, humans and the such. Solid verse, I seen you say you didn't have time. It felt like if you fleshed it out a bit it had potential to be extremely good. As is not bad tho

Red Glare - I'm a fan, that verse was simply put, dope as shit. A story of a story...haha, a hostage situation being filmed for a movie I assume. Great detail in scenery, amazing movement through out the verse, intriguing, best flow of the week. I loved the sentences broken by six comas. Basically six sentences made by one word each to describe something going on. Dope. I truly have zero complaints about this verse and must say, in the two weeks I've been in this league, this is my favorite and its not close.

Vote - Red Glare...you both hit topic extremely well. Zen had a solid piece, but ran into a monster this week. Red simply killed every aspect I look @ while voting and did so with ease. Good battle

03-16-2013, 11:17 PM	#7
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	ZenLand- so you had some really good lines with nice meanings, then some not so good lines. There were grammar errors here and there which is annoying to me, but I over look them sometimes. But most notably the 2nd to last line isn't proper english at all. Now if you removed 1 word it is. IDK? Things like this make urk me cuz I take time while reading for a vote and read each piece 2 to 3 times. Then it seems like I'm the only one who proof read. I'm going on a tangent sorry....it was a verse about a lot. The world I guess. The key maker essentially is life, humans and the such. Solid verse, I seen you say you didn't have time. It felt like if you fleshed it out a bit it had potential to be extremely good. As is not bad tho Red Glare - I'm a fan, that verse was simply put, dope as shit. A story of a story...haha, a hostage situation being filmed for a movie I assume. Great detail in scenery, amazing movement through out the verse, intriguing, best flow of the week. I loved the sentences broken by six comas. Basically six sentences made by one word each to describe something going on. Dope. I truly have zero complaints about this verse and must say, in the two weeks I've been in this league, this is my favorite and its not close. Vote - Red Glare...you both hit topic extremely well. Zen had a solid piece, but ran into a monster this week. Red simply killed every aspect I look @ while voting and did so with ease. Good battle