Week 3: Just Write (2-0) vs. patrown (2-0) \\ Just Write wins 9-1

e11even · 03-17-2014, 03:39 AM

JW- this was great. It was fucking long (like my old shit) but it was great. I think in a few places the lines were too long to make the rhymes work seamlessly, but the overall piece was pretty entertaining. I dug how specific and descriptive it was. Just a normal guy telling his story the normal way. Not the insane rap phenom that overly rhymes and schemes every line and stanza. Good work and I liked how it ended. Good work bro. You are a very solid topic dropper lol. Srs.

Patrown- i don't know what I just read. I just know it was fucking hilarious. The first half was clunky, but the whole piece was really. The story missed a few descriptive and transitional devices and the rhyming was very jumpy til after about half way through. As a whole though, the imagery w as s golden and the internal fight with love and superficial satisfaction was awesome. I felt this on a deeper note than the display suggested. I think if everyone had a shallow hal moment in life they'd appreciate this as much as I did. You kind of abandoned conformity in structure and rhyme style for a good portion of this, but I can appreciate the cantor and humor you brought to this. Good job.

MVGT pat for an overall more enjoyable piece despite its sloppiness.

03-17-2014, 03:39 AM	#13
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	JW- this was great. It was fucking long (like my old shit) but it was great. I think in a few places the lines were too long to make the rhymes work seamlessly, but the overall piece was pretty entertaining. I dug how specific and descriptive it was. Just a normal guy telling his story the normal way. Not the insane rap phenom that overly rhymes and schemes every line and stanza. Good work and I liked how it ended. Good work bro. You are a very solid topic dropper lol. Srs. Patrown- i don't know what I just read. I just know it was fucking hilarious. The first half was clunky, but the whole piece was really. The story missed a few descriptive and transitional devices and the rhyming was very jumpy til after about half way through. As a whole though, the imagery w as s golden and the internal fight with love and superficial satisfaction was awesome. I felt this on a deeper note than the display suggested. I think if everyone had a shallow hal moment in life they'd appreciate this as much as I did. You kind of abandoned conformity in structure and rhyme style for a good portion of this, but I can appreciate the cantor and humor you brought to this. Good job. MVGT pat for an overall more enjoyable piece despite its sloppiness. __________________ Ahem.