Week 3: Just Write (2-0) vs. patrown (2-0) \\ Just Write wins 9-1

oats · 03-16-2014, 10:46 PM

Just Write: lots to like about your verse. the foray through different dating sites was comical, and there were many individual instances of humor that were enjoyable. My main gripe was that the ending seemed a bit predictable, probably because that was the only route a story like this could have taken without being really lame. It did seem a bit long-winded on the whole, though the story needed us to get lost in the present action in order for the resurgence of the ex gf to be a surprise, so it wasn't unwarranted. Overall, this was a solid showing, nothing to get as excited about as last week's, but still a strong verse.

Patrown: I thought your idea was funnier off the bat - what guy can't relate to nights spent hogging for plump women out of desperation? My issue was really the writing itself. There were spots that I had a hard time attributing meaning to, and times when I had to really dig to find a rhyme or flow. There were also spots where the writing was good, with fun rhymes and distinct rhythm. Just inconsistent.

Vote: Just Write had a better verse overall, just a more polished effort.

03-16-2014, 10:46 PM	#1
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,084 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005428	Just Write: lots to like about your verse. the foray through different dating sites was comical, and there were many individual instances of humor that were enjoyable. My main gripe was that the ending seemed a bit predictable, probably because that was the only route a story like this could have taken without being really lame. It did seem a bit long-winded on the whole, though the story needed us to get lost in the present action in order for the resurgence of the ex gf to be a surprise, so it wasn't unwarranted. Overall, this was a solid showing, nothing to get as excited about as last week's, but still a strong verse. Patrown: I thought your idea was funnier off the bat - what guy can't relate to nights spent hogging for plump women out of desperation? My issue was really the writing itself. There were spots that I had a hard time attributing meaning to, and times when I had to really dig to find a rhyme or flow. There were also spots where the writing was good, with fun rhymes and distinct rhythm. Just inconsistent. Vote: Just Write had a better verse overall, just a more polished effort. __________________ You should be water