Week 3: oats (2-0) vs. timeless (2-0) \\ oats wins 10-0

[Pinot Grij]

Timeless, maybe this isn't your fault.. but this is the 3rd verse I read about weed already this week. Which suggests a lack of originality overall. What I did like was your pace in the storytelling, it kept it moving and I wasn't bored (until I got to the weed part). The kissing your dog shit was funny, but it didn't connect to the rest of the story. The finisher was a little weird too... so the point of the story is that sasquatches can talk to dogs and then the guy got kicked out of his bed.... I dunno man, I need a little more than that. In sum, I really like your storytelling, I just didn't feel your story.

Oats, grabbed me from the beginning. It's so clear after reading a bunch of other verses before this that you're just part of that next tier, hands down. You have such control over your story, it reads effortlessly.

constantly quarreling. it stained their species’ existence
never united - each one of them was equally vicious
one evil achievement insisted another’s need to eclipse it
till the day they set the sky aflame. there’d be no peace or forgiveness.
seasons since don’t exist in the Earth we inherited
their curse was our carriage; we were birthed from their arrogance

Pure fire. Amazing.

he was huge, with mold and dust outflowing like a draping gown -
whether they were God’s first creation or the other way around

also big-time shit right here.

Oats gets it for me easily with the best verse I've read this week.