Week 3: Just Write (2-0) vs. patrown (2-0) \\ Just Write wins 9-1

timeless · 03-16-2014, 12:02 PM

JW, 76 lines? Fml yo lol. Lets get started... First verse was cool, feel the jacking off line was insignificant. Christian mingle part had me dying, "i just heard how faithful christians were, and that they make terrific wives." I was half expecting that tina would make a comeback to the story in the end, and sure enough. Didnt really have much of an impact in the end for how long this was you know? Overall not bad, theres a few spots where some of the wording seems forced but thats hard not to do when in that storytelling mode. im sure someone will mention a vocab issue so ill leave it to them, personally, I could give a fuck less most of the time. Keep firing off these stories though, been good every week.

P, "i wanna mount you on my wall like a buck" looool. Flow was all over the place in the first 10lines or so. Ok, your whole approach to the topic was dope, makes me wanna put on that song cage put out "fat kids need an anthem." If this was concept vs. concept you wouldve taken this easily. However, judging by your rocky flow and weird wording, this was probably a quick thought penned down. Could tell you didnt know where you were going with the story you had. As funny as this could have been, and I appreciate some of the lines for sure, it just didnt read smoothly, and didnt leave me feeling satisfied.

Pretty easy vote, jw came with a lengthy and imo, an overly-detailed verse here, winding down to a predicted ending. I hate knowing whats going to happen..but it was really enjoyable. Lots of lines worth quoting, etc. patrown had too little detail to an outstanding approach he just didnt pull it off in the end.

V. Just write

03-16-2014, 12:02 PM	#1
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	JW, 76 lines? Fml yo lol. Lets get started... First verse was cool, feel the jacking off line was insignificant. Christian mingle part had me dying, "i just heard how faithful christians were, and that they make terrific wives." I was half expecting that tina would make a comeback to the story in the end, and sure enough. Didnt really have much of an impact in the end for how long this was you know? Overall not bad, theres a few spots where some of the wording seems forced but thats hard not to do when in that storytelling mode. im sure someone will mention a vocab issue so ill leave it to them, personally, I could give a fuck less most of the time. Keep firing off these stories though, been good every week. P, "i wanna mount you on my wall like a buck" looool. Flow was all over the place in the first 10lines or so. Ok, your whole approach to the topic was dope, makes me wanna put on that song cage put out "fat kids need an anthem." If this was concept vs. concept you wouldve taken this easily. However, judging by your rocky flow and weird wording, this was probably a quick thought penned down. Could tell you didnt know where you were going with the story you had. As funny as this could have been, and I appreciate some of the lines for sure, it just didnt read smoothly, and didnt leave me feeling satisfied. Pretty easy vote, jw came with a lengthy and imo, an overly-detailed verse here, winding down to a predicted ending. I hate knowing whats going to happen..but it was really enjoyable. Lots of lines worth quoting, etc. patrown had too little detail to an outstanding approach he just didnt pull it off in the end. V. Just write