Week 3: Vividlyvague (1-1) vs. King Ra. (1-1) \\ Vividlyvague wins 9-4

Adonis · 03-15-2014, 06:15 AM

Voting on phone at 3AM Friday night chea

Jah. there was too much rhyming in succession... Almost stopped reading at missed spelled words like preschool trees and random Letters Y's. Dick right? Muhahaha

Vividlyvague - most of this was long Barr'd which I'm not a fan of. However,I read Jah 's verse first and disliked it.

Vote king Ra.

Better flow to the pieces entirety

timeless · 03-15-2014, 09:44 AM

VV, could tell you had a decent amount of fun writing this. Using multiple topics is a risky move, but I think you played it just right. As far as the writing goes, it was lackluster to say the least. Your rhyming was pretty basic, couple of lines didnt even rhyme properly, the flow was so-so. Overall it wasnt bad though after another read, wish you wouldve been a little craftier.

KR, same with v, you fell victim to a basic display of words with a really akward flow at times. Your story wasnt too great either. The father died by bardwire? Come on. You couldve did a lot with your concept in mind and packed a lot of emotion but it just didnt happen for you.

V. VividlyVague for a more semi-enjoyable read.

03-15-2014, 06:15 AM	#1
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Voting on phone at 3AM Friday night chea Jah. there was too much rhyming in succession... Almost stopped reading at missed spelled words like preschool trees and random Letters Y's. Dick right? Muhahaha Vividlyvague - most of this was long Barr'd which I'm not a fan of. However,I read Jah 's verse first and disliked it. Vote king Ra. Better flow to the pieces entirety

03-15-2014, 09:44 AM	#2
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	VV, could tell you had a decent amount of fun writing this. Using multiple topics is a risky move, but I think you played it just right. As far as the writing goes, it was lackluster to say the least. Your rhyming was pretty basic, couple of lines didnt even rhyme properly, the flow was so-so. Overall it wasnt bad though after another read, wish you wouldve been a little craftier. KR, same with v, you fell victim to a basic display of words with a really akward flow at times. Your story wasnt too great either. The father died by bardwire? Come on. You couldve did a lot with your concept in mind and packed a lot of emotion but it just didnt happen for you. V. VividlyVague for a more semi-enjoyable read.