Week 2: Just Write (1-0) vs. El Pancake (1-0) \\ Just Write wins 9-1

zygote · 03-09-2014, 11:22 PM

Enjoyed PancakeBrah's futuristic dystopia a lot. The key to its effectiveness as a universe was keeping all the language consistent and focusing on the strange details. It was like a bit of the minority report crossed with the zany world of Total Recall. The specific use of things like Viewing Pod A (inferring rows and rows of 'Viewing Pods' mass-consumer style) and the bureaucratic culture ('forms in triplicate') was great for building the scene. Just Write had a good story with a classical character development, one of growth in both self-effi***y and self-esteem, the main protagonist (child) both learning to respect themselves through some work, and escapism from difficult life circumstances. The fantasy element did not perhaps work, didn't like contributing the success of the protagonist to the 'imaginary friend.' The last line is either literal 'imaginary friend' or its an abstract thing supposed to represent something that I missed. Voting for PB.

03-09-2014, 11:22 PM	#8
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Enjoyed PancakeBrah's futuristic dystopia a lot. The key to its effectiveness as a universe was keeping all the language consistent and focusing on the strange details. It was like a bit of the minority report crossed with the zany world of Total Recall. The specific use of things like Viewing Pod A (inferring rows and rows of 'Viewing Pods' mass-consumer style) and the bureaucratic culture ('forms in triplicate') was great for building the scene. Just Write had a good story with a classical character development, one of growth in both self-effi***y and self-esteem, the main protagonist (child) both learning to respect themselves through some work, and escapism from difficult life circumstances. The fantasy element did not perhaps work, didn't like contributing the success of the protagonist to the 'imaginary friend.' The last line is either literal 'imaginary friend' or its an abstract thing supposed to represent something that I missed. Voting for PB.