Week 2: Diode (1-0) vs. Adonis (1-0) \\ Adonis wins 9-7

neutral · 03-08-2014, 01:20 PM

1) This was quite funny. I think it's an unsubtle criticism of your opponent this week. Fragmented with rhyme schemes that were, on occasion, interesting. A satirical character reference? I'm not sure if you dislike him or not in reality, or if these were playful jibes but I suppose if someone is not familiar with your subject, or is and doesn't really know him, this verse would be bizarre. I fall into that second category, but this line: 'I'll never be Adonis, but God I love my face.' explained the premise to me. Ode, too. That was clever. A fun verse. Not badly written.

2) Something written in a more earnest tone. I suppose it felt a bit dry, especially in comparison. The first verse did not feel particularly convincing in that I did not feel the emotion was effectively communicated. It picked up by the second verse where the names shape the growth in the character (presumably you, also) and in turn shapes the reader's understanding of him. That was the highlight of the piece. It moved to the final act and devolved into something which felt a bit preachy. That is my biggest criticism.

A close battle.

Adonis.

03-08-2014, 01:20 PM	#1
neutral Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 52 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 3412709	1) This was quite funny. I think it's an unsubtle criticism of your opponent this week. Fragmented with rhyme schemes that were, on occasion, interesting. A satirical character reference? I'm not sure if you dislike him or not in reality, or if these were playful jibes but I suppose if someone is not familiar with your subject, or is and doesn't really know him, this verse would be bizarre. I fall into that second category, but this line: 'I'll never be Adonis, but God I love my face.' explained the premise to me. Ode, too. That was clever. A fun verse. Not badly written. 2) Something written in a more earnest tone. I suppose it felt a bit dry, especially in comparison. The first verse did not feel particularly convincing in that I did not feel the emotion was effectively communicated. It picked up by the second verse where the names shape the growth in the character (presumably you, also) and in turn shapes the reader's understanding of him. That was the highlight of the piece. It moved to the final act and devolved into something which felt a bit preachy. That is my biggest criticism. A close battle. Adonis.