short drop

[YDK]

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”― Maya Angelou

I've learned a few things burned through mood rings,
bipolar disorder got me switching through queue strings.
"what if's" and Emotions that I've been holding inside,
been showing that I've known that I can openly cry.
My mother taught me that anything is attainable,
but to maintain your heart is barely sustainable.
I couldn't quote directly anything thing that she said,
other than "Don't let your heart ever lie to your head."
Now I'm crying in bed, because I've been trying to thread,
the fine line of caring with my eyes on the dead.
It's only been 4 years since she last graced the earth,
She missed me publishing a book and her grandbaby's birth.
Life's been swirling in my head; fuckin depression and mirth,
But the only thing I recall; is how bad it hurt.

Now I know she was strong surviving cancer for years,
Striving for perfection with a small selection of fears.
Failure was never one of them but to me its the worst,
because I'd rather die in my prime than living a curse.
My kids changed my values I've been as strong as I can,
to show my daughter to never quit and help my son be a man.
Maya said people will only remember the feelings they felt,
So my dying wish for my children is to feel they've been helped.

[Brenn]

Emotional drop here... nice wording.... liked this piece you conveyed your thoughts well and the drop came together nicely.

[YDK]

thanks bruh

[YDK]

up? feedin 4 pieces in 2 hours so leave links

[tyler]

This was pretty good. I thought it could've been a little less direct tbh, but for what it was it did have good substance and flowed pretty well. You accomplished what you wanted to and told your story in your own way and that's all that really matters. I actually liked the beginning the best, it's what kept me interested in reading the rest. Final determination from me is it could use work from a technical stand point but was pretty good otherwise.

[Illume]

Originally Posted by YDK

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”― Maya Angelou

I've learned a few things burned through mood rings,
bipolar disorder got me switching through queue strings.
"what if's" and Emotions that I've been holding inside,
been showing that I've known that I can openly cry.
My mother taught me that anything is attainable,
but to maintain your heart is barely sustainable.
I couldn't quote directly anything thing that she said,
other than "Don't let your heart ever lie to your head."
Now I'm crying in bed, because I've been trying to thread,
the fine line of caring with my eyes on the dead.
It's only been 4 years since she last graced the earth,
She missed me publishing a book and her grandbaby's birth.
Life's been swirling in my head; fuckin depression and mirth,
But the only thing I recall; is how bad it hurt.

Now I know she was strong surviving cancer for years,
Striving for perfection with a small selection of fears.
Failure was never one of them but to me its the worst,
because I'd rather die in my prime than living a curse.
My kids changed my values I've been as strong as I can,
to show my daughter to never quit and help my son be a man.
Maya said people will only remember the feelings they felt,
So my dying wish for my children is to feel they've been helped.

Wow. This is why I love music and rhyming. You got some great schemes here, great one liners. It's flush on a technical level. Maybe a bit forward in parts. The outstanding part of this though, is the emotion involved. It feels real, not just a drop for the sake of a drop. That's why I really like this. Favourites in bold.

[Vulgar]

This was tight with some minor blemishes. The first four lines were impressive, you came out with an honest swagger that immediately caught on.

I've learned a few things burned through mood rings,
bipolar disorder got me switching through queue strings.
"what if's" and Emotions that I've been holding inside,
been showing that I've known that I can openly cry.

^Nice.

Now I know she was strong surviving cancer for years,
Striving for perfection with a small selection of fears.
Failure was never one of them but to me its the worst,
because I'd rather die in my prime than living a curse.

^Wording-wise, the parts I bolded were slightly jumpy. I would've said 'than live with the curse' instead.

Overall you did your thing.

Keep doing you