State Of Mind

H4ZE · 02-12-2014, 08:06 PM

For days I've felt drained of life
Trying to find my state of mind
Do I want to escape this life?
Or do I want to stay and fight?
Questions in my head,wondering what I should do
Full of hateful rage,and I don't think I can move
I don't want to think, so I'm getting high every day
Smoking away worries at night,then I cry in the day
The hate that I feel,gots me thinking I'm so Insane
Then happiness overcomes me at the slightest of pain
Am I crazy? I think not, but they say that I am
I try not to believe it using all the strength that I can
It overwhelms me,till I'm thinking some dark thoughts
Thoughts of murder,vicious attacks,and makin their heart stop
The way I live,its hard not to be filled with hate
Thinking,the only way to fulfill my rage is to spill my brain

Writing this,was the only way I could change my mind
I think that I've,crossed the border with this state of mind

Concrete · 02-13-2014, 04:03 AM

This is the best I've seen from you yet H4ZE, a standard verse here. 4 opening lines started it off fresh, seems you also have straightened out your rhymes while expressing the content in a clear and easy way. Overall this is somewhere between average and decent, you have the basics down and now you should focus on advancing your own style to it, making your pieces more original and interesting. Stay up.

02-12-2014, 08:06 PM	#1
H4ZE Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Florida Posts: 77 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 0	State Of Mind For days I've felt drained of life Trying to find my state of mind Do I want to escape this life? Or do I want to stay and fight? Questions in my head,wondering what I should do Full of hateful rage,and I don't think I can move I don't want to think, so I'm getting high every day Smoking away worries at night,then I cry in the day The hate that I feel,gots me thinking I'm so Insane Then happiness overcomes me at the slightest of pain Am I crazy? I think not, but they say that I am I try not to believe it using all the strength that I can It overwhelms me,till I'm thinking some dark thoughts Thoughts of murder,vicious attacks,and makin their heart stop The way I live,its hard not to be filled with hate Thinking,the only way to fulfill my rage is to spill my brain Writing this,was the only way I could change my mind I think that I've,crossed the border with this state of mind

02-13-2014, 04:03 AM	#2
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158975	This is the best I've seen from you yet H4ZE, a standard verse here. 4 opening lines started it off fresh, seems you also have straightened out your rhymes while expressing the content in a clear and easy way. Overall this is somewhere between average and decent, you have the basics down and now you should focus on advancing your own style to it, making your pieces more original and interesting. Stay up.