QUARTERS: (1)dead man vs. (9)big baby - (DEAD MAN WINS 6-0)

Soulstice · 02-06-2014, 03:23 PM

v- deadMan

dead - my opinion on your lack of imagery fluctuated once i grasped the piece. the juxtaposition of memories fading and philosophical musings took a bit to latch onto but once it did i thought it made the piece more emotive. some dude on his deathbed, with his last remaining friend, lamenting the loss of old times, so lost (illustrated with more than one metaphor "dug a hole deep enough" "reminisce fade into screams") that his other friends "havent been by" really struck a chord. i guess they chose different paths, i wish you would've expanded on the narrators more, or at least alluded, but it didnt affect the quality of the piece, suited up was enough. irrelative source packed a big punch too, really you were able to tie the fading memories together well and they were be able to be placed beyond not-exactly-nonrobotic wording (irrelative) to make it mean more than the sum of its parts well done.

baby - this reminded me of a definitive content verse that might be one of my favorites of all time, so unfortunately for you theres a standard bias coming from this voter. your flow was a little jumpy to me but if you polished it up (or maybe if i had read you more.. probably the former but it should be noted) it would've been awesome, love the resurrection (if you will) of schemes after a few rhymes. the ending was pretty good, after a volcanic display of vicious imagery you leave the ending up to the reader, a fitting metaphor for this battle.

well, black really won on technical writing ability and emotional ability. his fade-in-and-out imagery technique was fitting but babys images conjured were very entertaining. if big baby hadnt been rushed (so i heard) and was able to put some work into this concept it wouldve been a fun battle indeed, but it is fairly onesided to me right now

v - deadman

02-06-2014, 03:23 PM	#9
Soulstice native system Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 387 Battle Record: 18-21 Champed - Short-Verse Topical Rep Power: 4453411	v- deadMan dead - my opinion on your lack of imagery fluctuated once i grasped the piece. the juxtaposition of memories fading and philosophical musings took a bit to latch onto but once it did i thought it made the piece more emotive. some dude on his deathbed, with his last remaining friend, lamenting the loss of old times, so lost (illustrated with more than one metaphor "dug a hole deep enough" "reminisce fade into screams") that his other friends "havent been by" really struck a chord. i guess they chose different paths, i wish you would've expanded on the narrators more, or at least alluded, but it didnt affect the quality of the piece, suited up was enough. irrelative source packed a big punch too, really you were able to tie the fading memories together well and they were be able to be placed beyond not-exactly-nonrobotic wording (irrelative) to make it mean more than the sum of its parts well done. baby - this reminded me of a definitive content verse that might be one of my favorites of all time, so unfortunately for you theres a standard bias coming from this voter. your flow was a little jumpy to me but if you polished it up (or maybe if i had read you more.. probably the former but it should be noted) it would've been awesome, love the resurrection (if you will) of schemes after a few rhymes. the ending was pretty good, after a volcanic display of vicious imagery you leave the ending up to the reader, a fitting metaphor for this battle. well, black really won on technical writing ability and emotional ability. his fade-in-and-out imagery technique was fitting but babys images conjured were very entertaining. if big baby hadnt been rushed (so i heard) and was able to put some work into this concept it wouldve been a fun battle indeed, but it is fairly onesided to me right now v - deadman