I called Veritas.

[Objective]

@c.d.m.: You can feel free to skip this TL;DR if you want to, or read it to get a better understanding of what happens when I sleep and where I ended my CBT with my doc to stop or at least slow down the thought process when I try to sleep, it's not as bad as it was when I pondered upon existentialism etc. on a daily basis, it's not that bad anymore. For example; Emmanuel Kant really fascinates me, but I've decided to not read anything more from him because I know multi dimensions, being born in pain and happiness is a myth along with pondering if I'm sitting inside an object or not isn't exactly things I should delve too much into at this point, haha.

@namix: Word, but when I figure out I'm dreaming, and get what I consider to be complete control, it's mostly because the whole world seems to be inspired by either Salvador Dali or Stephen King. Not even joking either. I've had about 5-6 TRUE lucid dreams; We're talking Inception on the beach kinda lucid dream. Building city's etc. The main thing I don't get with that movie is why the fuck it took them several years to build that city, fucking bullshit, it took me less than a minute to rebuild my own city and fly around in it. I've had about 20+ lucid dreams where I know I'm dreaming and able to divert the course of a night terror; Talking to whoever is killing people and/or torturing me and befriend them is a common technique for me to make a nightmare less morbid. Depends how moved I am by what is happening, but if it's a slightly terrifying dream I can project guns, make ropes/torture equipment dissapear, create a flooding or whatever to get away.

But word @ lucid dreaming also being the portal to your subconscious. One of the most insightful and reflective discussions I've had with myself was during my sleep. In the dream I had been out on town and I started to walk home. When I finally got home I realized that it was a completely different place I was heading at but I had the keys. There were a female person standing there that I started to talk with. Even tho' I had never seen her before she was familiar to me. That's when I figured out that I was dreaming. I literally asked the person if she was my subconscious and how far I could dig by talking to her. Her answer was; ''I'm your mind, it's limited because you know you're talking to me, but you can do anything you want with me.'' No, I didn't fuck her, yes, she was hot as fuck, my mind is beautiful fellas! I don't want to fuck with it. I did however discuss myself. Fucked up shit. I got the notion that I had little to no control over her answers as well.

When I get into a lucid state however, it's either because of night terrors as I said before, but when I get complete control it's often too awesome to just go to go sleep. It's too fun to fly around or build landscapes/cities etc. instead of going to sleep. Imagine minecraft, just that it's realistic as fuck and you can just imagine what you want to build and it's there. And I don't really know if simply going to sleep will solve it, my longest lucid dream lasted for 3 dreams in a row (I know it may sound weird, doubt me if you want to or discard it, idgaf, but if you were me you'd know I'm not fucking around), when one ended I woke up in another. A dream can surely last longer if it continues into the next.

As far as it goes to discussing mortality etc. I'm rather done with that question and I no longer fear death. Our bodies may die, but life goes on, the dirt gets nutrition for flowers to grow, worms and all other nasty creatures gets their share and that's how we pay back to nature after we die. The answer I came up with for life's meaning is simply that there is no true meaning as everything is ''fake''. But it exists and is therefore real, a contradiction that makes up for itself.
Emotions may be fake, but they're still real enough to make an impact on nature and the future of our world. Another ice age will come, but does it really matter? No. But I believe that humanity itself is doomed and I'm extremely pessimistic because I think that we as a collective need to be working together for a common goal, but at the moment the human race is going against that. War is pointless but we still have them, for what? Countries that is in constant change? What the fuck guys? Bitch, a border means nothing when the world changes itself anyways, didn't you learn anything in geography? Not to mention fights out on town, manipulative bitches etc. Either way, just like when we die; life gets to grow. I don't condemn nuclear war because the aftermath and extinction of the human race would be nothing but great for life to evolve, both in space and on earth.
But while we're here, the butterfly effect is strong. Simply being a great human being is my way of paying back to the life I am given while I am alive. Hence the reason to why I'm not suicidal. It would defeat the purpose of giving something back, and it would hurt too many people in order for the good shit in us to grow. It would be a negative blast in the butterfly effect I have chose to believe in. This is where I stopped asking questions and I'm fine with that answer.

But, as far as social norms goes and how I can utlize the butterfly effect is shit I start pondering about when I go to sleep. I am pretty much updated on morbid shit that happens in everyday life. In a week I've seen numerous deathpics, beheadings, serial killers and all that, but in a context and with a community that looks upon it as reality we shouldn't shield ourselves from. And we discuss it in a mature way. It's a way for me to understand humanity as a whole. I see all of this and take part in dusccisions along with happy news, gaming and rap. There needs to be a balance, too much of one thing isn't good if we can learn and grow from what we know on both sides of the spectrum.

Edit: HOLY MOTHERFUCKER, THIS POST IS TOO LONG. I MUST SLOW DOWN. THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH. I BROKE MY RECORD OF LONGEST TL;DR. Apologies, I understand it if no-one reads this crap. But yeah, this is how my brain works, this is basicly just the start of 5-15 minutes of trying to sleep, it's just that I wrote small bit of it down for you guys.