I called Veritas.

[Objective]

Originally Posted by c.d.m.

Now be completely honest: describe your average thought process as you lay in the bed awake while you know you should be sleeping

The thought process? Wow, it might start out as; ''Going to be chill af right now and not think about anything weird that starts my thought process''. Rivers, landscapes etc.. You get the deal. Then I might think about something intriguing with my friends or something morbid on the internet. Often start discussing social norms with myself, theories, physics and laws of the universe to the point where you'd think I was high if I told them to you. Sometimes things I've read in books. This might be about 3-5 minutes in trying to sleep. Cutting down and coming to terms with questions and ''philosophies'' was a thing I did with my prior therapist in order to stop the thought process and be able to sleep. I often kept asking questions; But what if, circling around the same topic until I found an answer and questioned that again etc. Trying to stop that shit now.
But when that happens I get extremely uneasy, I get the cravings to do something. I roll from one side to the other even tho' I should be tired enough to sleep. But it never happens and it ends up having the opposite effect. I get energetic. Sometimes reading a book does the same thing, so calm activities such as reading a book or doing the dishes or whatever makes me somewhat ''hyper active'' instead. As both of us know, laptops and TV's etc. got a certain light that triggers the brain to think it's daytime, but it is the only thing that keeps me active enough to keep me in a calm state. The best way for me to sleep is to put on Netflix; Spongebob or some TV drama I don't really care that much for or have already seen such as Californication. Ducktales is also an extremely nice way to go to sleep if I'm tired enough to not do anything. Basicly what I'm saying is; My body got to be 100% drained for energy before I can fall asleep and not get energetic again. Doing nothing makes it worse.

If it counts for anything I had some concentration issues in school unless the subject interested me. Far from ADD or anything like that, but still enough to label it as concentration issues. I was great in english history, history itself, society, philosophy, practical work, norwegian and spanish, but on the paper I was around B to C-. It furiated my english teacher because I couldn't concentrate on homework. I got a C in english and she said I was at an A if I had just done my shit.

Edit: @c.d.m.: I'm diagnosed with dysthymia.

Edit 2: @c.d.m.: I have considered the graveyard shift but I have NO sleeping pattern at all. Wich means that I have no idea when I'll get to sleep and when I'll wake up. Just a few days ago I had been awake for 30 hours and only got to sleep for 5. Last week I was awake for almost two days and slept for 18 hours. It's fucked up. I can fall asleep 3PM one day and 3AM the next.

[namix]

oooh damn @veritas' thought process before sleep and your response objective.

spiritual awakening yo.

i couldnt stop asking questions until i found that the answers don't come until you stop asking questions.

quiet your mind hommie. mortality, time, - many savvy human beings try to conceptualize infinity by counting toward it when it is more likely they'd get to infinity by counting backwards from it. accept the polarity of life - the infinity with the finite - and let yourself be free.

clearly feel free to ignore everything i just said if it doesnt resonate at all - but I had very similar symptoms during my initial clicks... everything from not sleeping, to lucid dreaming, etc. -- and if other therapists havent been able to help you, it probably means the solution is deeper too.

alas - i know i'm crazy, and that is the beacon i use to ensure I am on the right track as crazy is a relative term used to describe my deviation from the pack ;)

[namix]

Originally Posted by namix

oooh damn @veritas' thought process before sleep and your response objective.

spiritual awakening yo.

i couldnt stop asking questions until i found that the answers don't come until you stop asking questions.

quiet your mind hommie. mortality, time, - many savvy human beings try to conceptualize infinity by counting toward it when it is more likely they'd get to infinity by counting backwards from it. accept the polarity of life - the infinity with the finite - and let yourself be free.

clearly feel free to ignore everything i just said if it doesnt resonate at all - but I had very similar symptoms during my initial clicks... everything from not sleeping, to lucid dreaming, etc. -- and if other therapists havent been able to help you, it probably means the solution is deeper too.

alas - i know i'm crazy, and that is the beacon i use to ensure I am on the right track as crazy is a relative term used to describe my deviation from the pack ;)

^^ the acceptance of this polarity TRULY is one of the GREATEST assets in battling depression too.

what would a valley be without a mountain peak.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Objective

The thought process? Wow, it might start out as; ''Going to be chill af right now and not think about anything weird that starts my thought process''. Rivers, landscapes etc.. You get the deal. Then I might think about something intriguing with my friends or something morbid on the internet. Often start discussing social norms with myself, theories, physics and laws of the universe to the point where you'd think I was high if I told them to you. Sometimes things I've read in books. This might be about 3-5 minutes in trying to sleep. Cutting down and coming to terms with questions and ''philosophies'' was a thing I did with my prior therapist in order to stop the thought process and be able to sleep. I often kept asking questions; But what if, circling around the same topic until I found an answer and questioned that again etc. Trying to stop that shit now.
But when that happens I get extremely uneasy, I get the cravings to do something. I roll from one side to the other even tho' I should be tired enough to sleep. But it never happens and it ends up having the opposite effect. I get energetic. Sometimes reading a book does the same thing, so calm activities such as reading a book or doing the dishes or whatever makes me somewhat ''hyper active'' instead. As both of us know, laptops and TV's etc. got a certain light that triggers the brain to think it's daytime, but it is the only thing that keeps me active enough to keep me in a calm state. The best way for me to sleep is to put on Netflix; Spongebob or some TV drama I don't really care that much for or have already seen such as Californication. Ducktales is also an extremely nice way to go to sleep if I'm tired enough to not do anything. Basicly what I'm saying is; My body got to be 100% drained for energy before I can fall asleep and not get energetic again. Doing nothing makes it worse.

If it counts for anything I had some concentration issues in school unless the subject interested me. Far from ADD or anything like that, but still enough to label it as concentration issues. I was great in english history, history itself, society, philosophy, practical work, norwegian and spanish, but on the paper I was around B to C-. It furiated my english teacher because I couldn't concentrate on homework. I got a C in english and she said I was at an A if I had just done my shit.

Edit: @c.d.m.: I'm diagnosed with dysthymia.

Edit 2: @c.d.m.: I have considered the graveyard shift but I have NO sleeping pattern at all. Wich means that I have no idea when I'll get to sleep and when I'll wake up. Just a few days ago I had been awake for 30 hours and only got to sleep for 5. Last week I was awake for almost two days and slept for 18 hours. It's fucked up. I can fall asleep 3PM one day and 3AM the next.

Imo you need to sleep and you should invest in taking the time to find an anti depressant and sleep aid that will help you. The good think about depression is that it responds very well to medication and therapy.

I do not like that you "get drunk" occasionally. You must eliminate alcohol or else your sleep and anti depressants will not work properly

Also try www.holosync.com
It will help your brain rest even if you cannot sleep.

For therapy I recxomend you try cbt for understanding triggers, patters, and problem solving skills

I do not feel you are being entirely honest with me about your thought process

You need to sleep.